Why do I keep everything buried inside?

Someone asked me the other day why I keep everything inside. They wanted to know why I don’t talk to anyone about anything that is bothering me and let it all keep building up in there. There are a million reasons why people keep things tucked away, far down below where no one can see it or come close to accessing it. When you do ask, you will probably get a plethora of different answers.… Continue Reading

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They are Here! Bipolar Hot Mess T-Shirts

A great big shout out to AIR-WEAR Recovery for working so hard to make them look so AHHMAZING!  Each shirt can be personalized so you can pick your color  and style and then the logo you want as well!  Also, for each shirt purchased, a donation will be made to the Bipolar Hot Mess website.  Now, check out these awesome tees and snatch yours up ASAP! I’m so excited about this!  I’ve been wanting to… Continue Reading

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Is one type of pain better than another?

Is physical pain better or worse than emotional pain? More like, is CHRONIC physical pain worse than emotional pain? The answer?  Neither is better or worse than the other.  Emotional pain, while it begins mentally, it can absolutely cause physical pain too.  Chronic pain? It starts in episodes, then it just kinda settles in, unpacks it’s bags and puts it’s feet up as you learn to deal with more and more pain.  Emotional pain, does… Continue Reading

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My Friend ED.. aka eating disorder

Friend.  HA!  Isn’t that a joke. ED wants you to think he’s your friend, but does a friend slowly suck the life out of you and consume your ever waking (and even sleeping) moment with obsession and self loathing?  Hmmm. Actually… Just Kidding.  I wouldn’t call that a friend!  And yet, no matter how hard you try to get rid of him, he is always there, just lingering in the back of your mind, just… Continue Reading

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What happens if you say no?

In the last few weeks, I have had a few people approach me and ask me for help in some form or another.  Now, what is the Hot Mess’ immediate reaction when someone asks for help? “Sure!” And then it happens.  I’ve committed to something else.  What I fail to do before immediately responding is to assess how much I currently have on my plate, or what I have going on in my life and… Continue Reading

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AHHHH! It’s a compliment!! HIDE!!!

Does anyone else find it hard or uncomfortable when they receive a compliment?  Like, almost unreal or unbelievable that someone would think that of you?  I have found it increasingly hard to accept a compliment.  For many, many years I battled with low self-esteem and when I finally started to gain it back, I was surrounded by people who knocked me down.  When you are continually put down, it gradually wears on you and breaks… Continue Reading

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The “WTF Is Happening” Phase

Initial Chaos I can’t speak for everyone, but right before I was diagnosed with bipolar and the weeks and months after, there was A LOT of chaos. When I talk about chaos, I talk not just with me, but with my friends and family too. One minute, there I was, sitting in my office Bates stamping documents for a document production for one of the cases I was working on, the next, I was in… Continue Reading

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A Day In the Life of A Bipolar in Therapy

This is a direct entry from my journal.  Sometimes I have to look back to see how far I have come and to remind myself where I DON’T want to go…… September 16, 2006 I spent the day with MSA from group.  I had a good time.  [My boyfriend’s] friend gave us his tickets to go see Wicked and we went.  This was the second night in a row I felt normal.  I mean, we… Continue Reading

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Yes, We can be “dramatic,” but that is just how our feelings work.

There are times when I absolutely want to scream at friends or family, or throw things around my room, but then (usually very shortly) after,  I feel absolutely, devastatingly horrible for even letting a thought like that cross my mind. And when I say  “absolutely, devastatingly horrible,” I’m not talking about the typical, standard, everyday remorse that is felt when you say, think, or do something in the heat of the moment and you immediately… Continue Reading

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Paralegal by Day…

“So what are your plans for the weekend?” asked my friendly paralegal office neighbor as she popped her head in my office on her way out for the weekend. “Going out of town to see my husband,” I replied. “Oh. Is he out of town for business?” I paused briefly before answering. “Yes. Yes, he is.” I mean, I was not really lying. He was out of town because of business.  Ok, so it was… Continue Reading

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