Here is a list of all the things I am good at. I think if I look at life with a more positive spin, that will help me put things in perspective!!!!!
1. Injuring myself
2. Talking too much
3. Being at the wrong place at the wrong time
4. Finding the one asshole in the room (male or female) and becoming friends with them! HA
5. Being a Caloric Content Index (u name the food, I can probably tell you the # of calories. Some things just won’t leave your head even if you try to forget them) 6. Acting irrational, being unpredictable….basically being bipolar.
7. Scaring myself shitless by watching too many murder and crime programs!!
8. Being messy
9. Beating myself up about my inabilities to be Superwoman.
I think I will update this as I think of more, so stay tuned!…. Sept 1, 2010………………………….
UPDATED LIST! …. Feb 11, 2012
- Injuring myself- yup, i’m still VERY VERY good at that. I always have bumps and bruises I can’t account for, I was in the ER for injuring my neck while sleeping. I can go on, but lets not bore and just say that this one is still something I’m really good at! 🙂
- Talking too much- Oh yea. I’m good at this one too. Spending a lot of time alone really makes you talk your face off when you have a person’s ears and attention. I’m really good at talking too much and also talking super fast. Plus, I always have ridiculous stories to tell because of all the crazy things that happen to me. See #3
- Being at the wrong place at the wrong time- .Oh yes. I am still an expert at this one. Anywhere and everywhere, something strange happens. I often wonder what it would be like to go somewhere and have something NON-eventful happen. I don’t know what I would do. I think life might get boring!
- Finding the one asshole in the room (male or female) and becoming friends with them! HA- Actually, this one, I can almost take out of the list because I have basically rid myself of all the toxicity in my life and have been very selective about those that I let back in. So we can actually take this one out and amend it to say I’m good at weeding out the toxic people in my life and keeping the good ones in!!!! 🙂
Being a Caloric Content Index (u name the food, I can probably tell you the # of calories. Some things just won’t leave your head even if you try to forget them) –I’m actually going to have to say that as time has gone on, I have started to lose my memory on these types of stats. Instead of being a Caloric Content Index, I’m more of a Bipolar Fact Index or Useless Information and Silly Fact Reporter. So, I think we can change this to say that I’m good at storing and spitting out Useless Information and Statistics.
- Acting irrational, being unpredictable….basically being bipolar- Yup. I’m trying to earn EXPERT status on this one. Add in a bit of alcohol and that expert status becomes much more attainable! BUT, on the other hand, I have also learned a lot more about how to manage being bipolar and how to come in and out of the moods better. Sure, I recently have been knocked down a tad (oh who are we fooling, I was run over by a boulder) and its taking a lot longer than before to get back up, but I’ve gotten a whole lot better than before.
- Scaring myself shitless by watching too many murder and crime programs!!- Still do this. Not going to lie. I’m great at this! And then hiding under the covers like when I was a kid thinking “If I can’t see them, they can’t see me”.
- Being messy – According to someone, I’m horribly messy. According to ME, I say I’m just a bit disorganized. I have made a more conscious effort to maintain the house in a more clean and organized fashion so as not to drive him nuts, but sometimes my areas to get a little messy. So, I’m still good at being messy I suppose. We can keep that on the list.
- Beating myself up about my inabilities to be Superwoman- FOR SURE! I still do this all the time! I am supposed to be able to basically save the world. I mean, I’m supposed to save my family, my own self, my relationships, my job, my pets, so of course I need to be Superwoman! And, since I am only a Bipolar Hot Mess, I do beat myself accordingly because I do hear continually of my shortcomings, which I use to beat myself up about because I’m not Superwoman and am not perfect.
- Letting my anger take over and saying and doing stupid things- This one really is a big one because I get really emotional and when I’m angry, I’m downright full of rage. I have many years of anger stored up that I never dealt with and since I’ve been down and out lately, my Pdoc says I need to deal with it. So, I deal with it. By throwing things around. Not pillows, but things like my laptop. I go off on rants, not in my own journal, but on Facebook where privacy settings aren’t so private and accurate and things become a mess. Which, leads me to #11
- Starting drama and not even realizing that what I’ve done has caused drama- I keep telling myself that I want to stay clear of drama. So I make every effort to stay OUT of the other dramas, but little do I know that sometimes things I do or say are jumpstarting the drama train. I don’t do it purposely, but I’m great at it. Its like a natural talent. (One I wish would just go away. Kinda like how there are gaps between my shin bone and foot bone and so it allows my ankle to roll and not get sprained or strained or get broken ankles. Totally natural talent on both ankles, but it actually can get embarrassing because they roll sometimes while I am wearing heels and I can fall off them…..) But, yes, I’m really good at those “Open Mouth Insert Foot” moments that cause a whirlwind of not so drama free effects.
- I’m SUPER SUPER good at convincing myself that Lifetime Movies are real life and all relationships are like the ones portrayed there and in all the romantic dramas and romantic comedy movies- I’m great at watching them and then getting all teary eyed because my life isn’t nearly as perfect as the one on TV. I know in my head it isn’t real, but I still seem to convince myself that it is. (Maybe I need to stop watching TV. All the crime shows scare me and all the movies give me a false perception of reality…hmmm…. I’ll work on that)
- I am REALLY good at giving advice to others and not realizing that it actually applies to myself and I should take my own advice- From writing for Ask A Bipolar, I have gotten lots of comments and messages regarding how much my writing has helped them get through their rough times or helped them explain things to their family members or whatever the situation, but it was my writing that helped them. I need to realize that the advice I give CAN be applied to me and my life and I should take it and use it. SO I’m great at dispensing advice, and then not using my own good advice.
- I AM A GOOD WRITER- If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be writing for Ask A Bipolar or International Bipolar Foundation. I wouldn’t have anyone reading my posts on this blog, and I wouldn’t have helped as many people as I have. I may not be a professional writer, or have any books published yet, but that doesn’t mean that my work hasn’t touched the lives of others in some way shape or form.
- I AM GOOD AT BEING ME- Right now, I don’t really know who “ME” is, and that’s ok. That’s why I’m kinda just floating along. That’s a perfect representation of me. When I was working, I was good at being a paralegal. When I blog, I’m good at being a blogger. When I’m the “housewife” I do my best to do that role. I may not be good at the role, but I do it the best that IIII can do it, so I’m still being me. When I do something, I always give it 100% of me. That’s all that anyone can ask for. So, when they engage me in something, its ALL IN. Yes, I may beat myself up because I am not perfect at doing everything and cant’ be superwoman, but I’m good at doing it the best that IIII can. Thats the difference. And if someone doesn’t like me, then that is their issue, but when I have people in my life, I give them all of me. Friends, family, etc. My Pdoc told me that I am too loyal, to a FAULT. I remain so loyal to people that I cause myself to be weighed down with and caught in the middle of other dramas and disputes and I put everyone else’s wishes and lives before my own. That is what caused my breakdown. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was taking care of everyone else and the weight just got too heavy and broke me. People may be looking at me thinking “what could you possibly have in your life that is so hard that it could break you” or may be saying “you are living by yourself, what could be stressing you out?” Its those attitudes that have contributed. They fail to see the big picture; that just because they aren’t in my house or in my office in my every day life, that their actions or situations don’t affect me. They do. When there is conflict within my family and I’m caught in the middle, it DOES affect me, especially when another member gets sick and hospitalized and I’m requested to not tell the others who have a right to know. Or having a significant other that is constantly gone and leaves you always feeling empty and unloved because of little to no contact. You just want them home and with you because you just aren’t strong enough to do it on your own, but keeps leaving you to do it alone. Watching your friends and others lives moving forward, getting married, having children, and yours still stays the same. Watching him live his dream and me trying to find what my dream is because I lost it long ago. My dream would be to keep Ask A Bipolar up and running and growing, but I don’t have the luxury because we don’t have any funds. I need to have a paying job to keep things running while he’s away. But that would be my dream. I would put more than my heart and soul into it. I already put so much into it but its split with my full time job. I want to help people. I want keep making a difference in people’s lives. That is when I was happiest.I was so happy when I first started at Ask A Bipolar. We had gotten the number of followers up, the number of readers of our blogs up, we were coming up with new ideas, and we were helping so many people. I felt so great because not only were we helping others, but they were helping me because others around me didn’t quite “get it” or understand fully. I want to write. I want to blog. I want to help others. I want others to continue to be inspired by my stories or my advice or my journey. I want to keep people’s hope alive. I recently completely lost all hope and that was the darkest time I’ve had since my hospitalizations. It was the most horrible feeling in the world. But suddenly, hope came back and things changed a little. I have a little hope now and all you need is a little hope to hold on to. That’s what I want to give to others. That little bit of hope!
So, I may be good at a lot of not so favorable things, but the one thing I am good at is giving hope and inspiration. That’s what I want to do.
Actually, I think this list needs to be updated again, now that it is June 2013…….. I’ve learned a ton, changed a ton, but even though I have, my main efforts and goals remain the same; to give hope, inspiration, and shared experiences with which people can relate to and know that they are not alone and that things will get better. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but they will. And when they do, they will be better and stronger for the next time around!