Another birthday creeping up…

Another year farther away from what my life used to be.  That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.  This year, I want to make this a birthday to remember, but I want to remember it the way my new life is; not how life used to be.

What did life used to be? (I’m going to use different names to protect the privacy of those involved)  I was reminded of my former lifestyle when I received an email from “Ryan Lieffer” wishing me a Happy Birthday and hoping that I would I would want to celebrate my birthday using his promotional company.  I get the option to have a personalized birthday flyer, a hosted bar package, a FREE champagne package (basically a comped bottle which is gone in a swoop when your friends all fill their glasses, no cover, and other VIP “specials” at the clubs they do business with.

Now, what’s so funny about that?

  1. The email begins by thanking me for being a valued member of their promo company.
    I have not been to a Chicago club, let alone any event the company has had since at least 2009-10.
  2. I have met you Mr. Lieffer on numerous occasions as you are hard to miss with your droided out body and disproportionate head.
    Each time I have met you, whether it was on your jam packed half the size of mine boat, or at the clubs during my time there, you were a complete jerk and total asshole to me.
  3. I dont even know how I got on your email list.
    Our group of friends had their own promotional company and professional DJ who ran and owned it, and we had our own parties on our boats and at the clubs. This is captured by many photos.
  4. You ask me to take a second to think about where I was last year and compare it to now.
    Well, last year I did not choose to use your service, nor the year before, or before…. In those years, I decided that it was time to grow up and out of the club scene.

While I am very grateful that they have taken the time to send me an auto generated Happy Birthday a few weeks early, my days in the club have ended. I decided that my own self care was a priority and trying to get my bipolar disorder stabilized, which meant cutting out the alcohol since it does not mix well with my medication. Also, all the recreational drugs that are rampant in the clubs is not my style either and I would rather not be subjected to a bunch of 20-somethings who are rolling on Molly and so drunk they can’t walk straight. I have my own issues walking straight at times due to my medications. I also don’t find being in a venue where I am shoulder to shoulder with people and it is hot and sweaty just standing there. My anxiety would hit the roof.

Yes, at one time I did do all those things and experience the clubs and dancing and drinking like those I mentioned before hand, but now, I know that those things actually hindered my ability to stabilize and for that, I actually am grateful.

They say you have to hit rock bottom before you can finally move up.  That was the start of my rock bottom.  They also say it’s good to learn history so you can prevent it from happening again. I definitely do not want history to repeat itself.

This party girl has hung up her heels and retired her boat party bathing suits. Turning 36 in less than two weeks is not going to change that. I’ve got a whole new life filled with family both in Chicago and in California, I have a lot of new friends who understand me and my illness, and friends that have never given up on me.  Oh, and I have the cutest little dog.

What could be any better than that?

Did you reach a point in your life where you finally understood what self care meant and chose that over the way you had been living?




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