All, Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Change

Are your feelings like a scary movie????

Do certain emotions freak you out?  Like love for example.  Does the thought of being in love terrify you so much you find yourself retreating up the stairs and trapped in a closet while love comes after you ready to attack at any second?  (In every scary movie, everyone always runs up the stairs and traps themselves instead of running out the door.  Instinct I guess?  Pretty shitty instinct though. The villan is going to catch you!)  Do you make rules for yourself saying that you aren’t going to fall in love, or you aren’t going let yourself get hurt or things like that?

Well, what happens if suddenly one day, against all the things you have told yourself you would not allow happen, IT HAPPENS?????  What if you told yourself you wouldn’t fall in love or didn’t want to be in a relationship but somehow, in the least expected place, with the least expected person, YOU DO?  Or what if you told yourself you weren’t going to trust someone and then as time went on you began to trust them a little bit, then a little bit more?  Or what if you told yourself you didn’t want to be happy anymore, but then you started to smile a little bit and then a bit more?  What do you do?

What do you do when those feelings you swore against or told yourself you didn’t want to feel suddenly creep up on you?  You run!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You run and hide like the helpless victims in the scary movies.  BUT THEY CATCH UP TO YOU!  You can’t run and hide forever!  You can sabatoge and run all you want, but the feelings won’t go away.  Sometimes, even though you set a plan for yourself, something else comes in unexpectedly and breaks the plan.  You can’t plan for everything in life.  Things will take you by surprise and it doesn’t mean its always going to be bad.  Don’t count them out.  Don’t sabatoge.  Stop running.  Many times you end up only hurting yourself in the end by running.

Life does not have an exact timeline or a script.  Sometimes we have to ad lib and no matter how much we want to plan and prepare and protect ourselves from things, we can’t always do that.  Sometimes we have to just let it roll.  Sometimes trying to fight off those blips in the plan are more exhausting than just letting yourself accept that your roadmap was shitty or that a sudden detour was what you needed and had been wanting and looking for, but were too afraid to find it, so that was why you made the road map to begin with.

Feelings don’t always have to be like scary movies.  We don’t always have to run and hide.  Let yourself feel them and watch as life takes it course.  You might just be super happy you stopped fighting back and find that those feelings bring on even better ones!

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