All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary

A Day In the Life of A Bipolar in Therapy

This is a direct entry from my journal.  Sometimes I have to look back to see how far I have come and to remind myself where I DON’T want to go…… September 16, 2006 I spent the day with MSA from group.  I had a good time.  [My boyfriend’s] friend gave us his tickets to go see Wicked and we…

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Healthy Life & Relationships

Yes, We are “dramatic,” but that is just how our feelings work.

There are times when I absolutely want to scream at friends or family, or throw things around my room, but then (usually very shortly) after,  I feel absolutely, devastatingly horrible for even letting a thought like that cross my mind. And when I say  “absolutely, devastatingly horrible,” I’m not talking about the typical, standard, everyday remorse that is felt when…

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Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Relationships, Healthy Life & Relationships, Relationships (Love)

Paralegal by Day…

“So what are your plans for the weekend?” asked my friendly paralegal office neighbor as she popped her head in my office on her way out for the weekend. “Going out of town to see my husband,” I replied. “Oh. Is he out of town for business?” I paused briefly before answering. “Yes. Yes, he is.” I mean, I was…

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Humor, Random Musings

The Day I Wanted A Dog Castle For Prince

I almost forgot about this, until this morning.  I woke up with ideas flooding my brain and after watching The Black Swan, I went back to my never gets old regret that I never continued ballet.  So, I text my cousin (she works overnights at the air force base, so I knew she was up) who has done ballet and…

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Change

Are your feelings like a scary movie????

Do certain emotions freak you out?  Like love for example.  Does the thought of being in love terrify you so much you find yourself retreating up the stairs and trapped in a closet while love comes after you ready to attack at any second?  (In every scary movie, everyone always runs up the stairs and traps themselves instead of running…

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Daily Life, Relationships (Love)

Where Did I Lose Your Love? My Last Letter To You

Or maybe the better question is When? Dear Ex…wait,  you aren’t very dear, so how about To The Ex, I’ve been there for you in the good times and the bad.  I tried to be the best ME that I could be.  When I discovered people trying to hurt you, I told you, yet you always found a way to…

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Daily Life, Healthy Changes, Healthy Life & Relationships, Treatment

Another year older, but wiser?

Here I am.  Another year older.  I woke up this morning and was actually relieved that I was not hungover (as I usually am after a night of birthday celebrations) but instead just looked like I was run over.  If smeared eyeliner and the rats nest of curls with mass quantities of hairspray were the only evidence of a night…

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Featured, Healthy Life & Relationships

Where’s the lowest low on the bipolar coaster?

Wouldn’t all of us with bipolar like to know the answer to THAT!! The problem is, the joke’s on US! There IS NO ANSWER to that question! What do I mean there’s no answer? Well, we first have to start off with a few facts. Bipolar has varying severities  (i.e. BP I, BP II, etc.) The HIGHS experienced in bipolar…

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary, Featured, Healthy Life & Relationships

That same haunting question…

It has become a theme as I read through old journals and poems and pages of notes I’ve scribbled through the years. That same thing I believe many of us with any kind of illness constantly asks ourselves. What did I do wrong that caused me to get this? I have one journal entry where I write: I have always…

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Change, Featured, Healthy Changes, Healthy Life & Relationships

How do you rise after the “Big Crash”?

You wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and staring back is remnants of 4 years of ups and downs, job loss, lost loves, lost friendships, not to mention the wear and tear of countless different medication combinations; fear as you look around your room, in your parents house.  That THIS is what you let yourself become after you…

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