My Friend ED.. aka eating disorder

Friend.  HA!  Isn’t that a joke. ED wants you to think he’s your friend, but does a friend slowly suck the life out of you and consume your ever waking (and even sleeping) moment with obsession and self loathing?  Hmmm. Actually… Just Kidding.  I wouldn’t call that a friend!  And yet, no matter how hard you try to get rid of him, he is always there, just lingering in the back of your mind, just… Continue Reading

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And yet….and yet I wonder……

Yes. Me wondering is a very dangerous thing because my mind, thoughts and ideas can travel to some really really unexpected places. BUT… I wonder, as I have been doing some research on mental illnesses in my recent quest to do some volunteer work (to give me something to do which will get me out of my boyfriend’s hair, and so I can better understand myself), I was looking up some of the different illnesses,… Continue Reading

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Mood boosters, what’s yours?

When I was in my outpatient therapy after my first hospitalization, the third day I was there, I was called into my assigned counselors office. I was very nervous because I thought I had been making my best effort at participating and working with the group having only been there for just a few days. I sat down, she closed the door and sat in a chair across from me, looked me in the eyes… Continue Reading

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A Letter of Self-Love

I  found this on Psych Central in a column called Weightless.  I read this and it actually gave me the idea that I should be doing this too.  I much too often let the bad take over and then forget how much good there really is.  I think a lot of my moods going up and down could also be served positively by this as well.   The more we tell ourselves the good things about… Continue Reading

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“…because I had never, ever figured out how to f**king deal.”

– Marya Hornbacher said that in her book Wasted. Why is this part of my “favorite things” series of posts???  Because Marya Horbacher is not only an amazing woman and I have a deep admiration for her, but she is an outstanding writer and even more than that, her first book Wasted may have saved my life.  After reading that book, and seeing how she could get down to 54 pounds and be given one… Continue Reading

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Feelings on an internet server rather than inside of me

I recently submitted a few poems to be considered for a blog that was being written about using the arts in mental health therapy and the positive effects it can have.  I think its safe to say that I do use the arts often whether its writing poems, writing blogs, using pastels or paints, or through music or dance.  It definitely has had a positive impact in replacing some negative behaviors I used to revert… Continue Reading

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Weighing In – Recovered or Not

One question I have been thinking about when thinking of eating disorders is, IS THERE FULL RECOVERY?  What is considered full recovery?  I mean, obviously if you have bulimia and stop purging, then you have reached recovery in that respect, but what about anorexia?  If you are not restricting calories, not working out to extremes (or working out at all), not taking anything to intentionally make you lose weight, but  it still takes you hours… Continue Reading

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I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, And Gosh Darn It, People Like Me……orrrrr not???

For a good majority of my life, I walked around feeling completely and utterly inferior.  Somewhere along the line, I decided that I had to be perfect in order for my mom to love me. SOMETHING I HAD CREATED MYSELF IN MY OWN MIND and I carried that weight around with me for years and years.  While carrying that around, and trying to be perfect academically, I was trying to fit in socially.  The first… Continue Reading

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The Elephant In The Room…..or the mouse that feels like the elephant…….

What do you do when someone asks you to do something that is a common day occurance for almost everyone, but for you, is one of the most impossible things to do and they don’t know how almost impossible it is because you are too embarrassed to tell them?  They know there is a reason why you avoid it, but you keep using generic blanket responses to avoid this huge elephant in the room. What… Continue Reading

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Guilty Pleasures

We all have them!  Don’t try to pretend that you don’t!!!!!!  They are those secret things that you totally love and obsess over but are too embarassed to admit them to your friends or significant other because you think they will realize what a true dork you really are.  Well, guess what.  I have decided that today, I am no longer going to keep any of those inside.  When I meet someone I want them… Continue Reading

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