All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Daily Life, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary

A blast from the past………

Another trip through the Bipolar Hot Mess Archives….. So, I have been going through journals and re-reading poems that I have written, trying to piece back together what happened and what I was feeling prior to and while I was in therapy. Sometimes, it seems such a blur, and sometimes it seems clear as day. Sometimes, I can’t even remember …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary

A Day In the Life of A Bipolar in Therapy

This is a direct entry from my journal.  Sometimes I have to look back to see how far I have come and to remind myself where I DON’T want to go…… September 16, 2006 I spent the day with MSA from group.  I had a good time.  [My boyfriend’s] friend gave us his tickets to go see Wicked and we …

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Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary, Pre Diagnosis, Random Musings, Relationships (Love)

Feelings or Numb

(Excerpts from the journals of the Bipolar Hot Mess. All names have been changed for privacy.) Why do you love someone?? Love is such a weird emotion. I hate loving people. Actually, I hate having emotions. I hate feelings. I hate feeling sad, or mad, or upset. I hate being annoyed. I hate loving someone. I hate it because I …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary, Featured, Healthy Life & Relationships

That same haunting question…

It has become a theme as I read through old journals and poems and pages of notes I’ve scribbled through the years. That same thing I believe many of us with any kind of illness constantly asks ourselves. What did I do wrong that caused me to get this? I have one journal entry where I write: I have always …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary, Healthy Life & Relationships

More Excerpts from the Bipolar Hot Mess Journals……

…do you ever think that your life is meaningless?  And everything you have worked to achieve is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things and if it took almost years to accomplish this then all the things I want to, or should, accomplish will never be achieved so no point in trying anymore.  Time to just say Fuck it …

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All, Bipolar Hot Mess Daily Life, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary, Relationships (Love)

The End of Us

Who knew that after being one of the very few people standing in your court, backing you up when everyone else is running away from you like you are the one in flames standing in a barn full of hay, that the joke would really end up being on ME!  Ironically,  I would somehow be the one on fire and …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary, Pre Diagnosis, Random Musings, Relationships (Love)

Love, Emotions, I hate feeling emotions… Excerpts from the Bipolar Hot Mess Diary

(Excerpts from the journals of the Bipolar Hot Mess. All names have been changed for privacy.) Why do you love someone?  Love is such a weird emotion to me. I hate the fact that my mind and body have the ability to love people.  Actually, on second thought, I hate having a lot of other emotions and feelings.  I mean, …

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