How Hot Mess Really Became “The Bipolar Hot Mess”: The story of how I went from a paralegal with a bipolar diagnosis, to mental health advocate with a catchy name

I’ve never really told the whole story.  I mean, bits and pieces are told in passing, pieces are posted in my different bio pages for the different organizations and sites that I have written for, but I have never really sat down and publicly told the full story of how I became “The Bipolar Hot Mess.”  Those who know me, saw the transformation and witnessed all the baby steps that I took to get to… Continue Reading

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Mood boosters, what’s yours?

When I was in my outpatient therapy after my first hospitalization, the third day I was there, I was called into my assigned counselors office. I was very nervous because I thought I had been making my best effort at participating and working with the group having only been there for just a few days. I sat down, she closed the door and sat in a chair across from me, looked me in the eyes… Continue Reading

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The Anger, the pain, why is this happening all over again?

Because you are a stupid girl. You never learn. You were hurt. It hurt so bad that you never thought you would recover.  But you did.  You not only recovered, but you fell in love again. Stupid you. Giving your heart up so fast. Stupid you.  Thinking someone understood you.  Stupid you. Believing when they said they would not give up on you.  Fool. Yes. You.  You are the fool.  You believed it. They were… Continue Reading

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Bringing in the New Year Hot Mess style!

Every year at this time, December 31, we have the tradition of making New Years Resolutions.  You know, things we want to do in this new year to better ourselves, like working out more.  So for the first few weeks of January, the gyms are all packed to the max, then as February rolls in, the crowd starts dwindling, and by March, its the same crowd that was there prior to January 1.  We seem… Continue Reading

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Disguise and lies????

Honestly.  Do I really think that changing my hair color is going to help me begin a new transformation? Probably not.  It’s more like I am putting on a disguise and lying to myself and everyone else that this Christi with a fresh new hair do is really as changed and transformed on the inside as she is on the outside.   Because the reality of it is this: I am always going to be… Continue Reading

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From Witty………to Shitty…….

another unpublished post I dug up from the archives (this cleaning stuff has really benefited in more ways than one): Yes folks. I have gone from coming up with endless amounts of witty comments and diatribes, to thinking nothing but shitty things. What could cause such a drastic turn in one’s brain you ask?! Well, the other part of being bipolar is a depressive state. I’m not just a roller coaster of manic and then… Continue Reading

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****The Bipolar Hot Mess Seeks Personal Assistant!!!***

This person will be not just motivated, but MOTIVATIONAL, energetic, and patient.  They must be able to communicate well with others and be able to give step by step instructions if needed.  Should be punctual, but job may require long hours sometimes.  Must be able to keep calm in a crisis.  Knowledge of bipolar disorder is helpful. Also helpful if you possess computer skills. So, why does The Bipolar Hot Mess need a personal assistant?… Continue Reading

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Oh NO! It’s The Dreaded First Day!!!!!

First day of what????  Well, for some of you, its the first day of school.  Others, maybe you are starting a new job.  Whatever the case is, anxiety runs rampant on these days. There are many issues that people face on their first day, and even after times goes on, like bullying.  Bullying is no longer just an issue that goes on in the classroom, but goes on in the workplace too.  With the internet,… Continue Reading

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What Can Cure the Blackest Soul?

Just when I thought that I felt as miserable as I could feel, yesterday came and made me feel a million times worse. I crumbled to pieces as I sat there and listened to misrepresentation galore and a collection of preposterous self-made theories being passed off as truths poured out like Kool-Aid into a child’s glass on a hot summer day. To add insult to injury, past behaviors that I had tried so very hard… Continue Reading

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“…because I had never, ever figured out how to f**king deal.”

– Marya Hornbacher said that in her book Wasted. Why is this part of my “favorite things” series of posts???  Because Marya Horbacher is not only an amazing woman and I have a deep admiration for her, but she is an outstanding writer and even more than that, her first book Wasted may have saved my life.  After reading that book, and seeing how she could get down to 54 pounds and be given one… Continue Reading

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