The “WTF Is Happening” Phase

Initial Chaos I can’t speak for everyone, but right before I was diagnosed with bipolar and the weeks and months after, there was A LOT of chaos. When I talk about chaos, I talk not just with me, but with my friends and family too. One minute, there I was, sitting in my office Bates stamping documents for a document production for one of the cases I was working on, the next, I was in… Continue Reading

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How Many Times Can You Pull The “Med Change” card?

Having a mental illness usually means we have tried a medication or two, or two hundred. We all have different reactions to medications  as well. Some medications may help us, but some medications can end up with the unfortunate side effects that are worse than the effects you experience due to your illness and are trying to subdo.  Typically when that happens, you and your doctor will sit down and discuss another alternative to try… Continue Reading

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Is the Hot Mess REALLY a Mess?

“I’m a mess!” When I first began talking to CJ, I warned him. I told him that I was a mess, a walking disaster, and if it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. He didn’t believe me. I picked him up from the airport for the first time. Between baggage claim at O’Hare and my car in the parking garage ready to head off, I think “we” (meaning me) lost… Continue Reading

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The Giving Tree

You think everything is going ok.  Laughing, smiling, learning each other’s schedules, finding out when they need a hug and when they need their space, and talking…communicating….about everything (or you thought everything).  Finally, for the first time in over a year, you feel stronger.  The past no longer makes your stomach turn and tears form in your eyes.  You don’t get sad and defeated.  There is someone who finally, after 8+ years, tells you that… Continue Reading

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Acceptance

One of the key components to recovery is acceptance. Coming to terms with what it is. Bipolar disorder. I’ve accepted that I have it. I have accepted that I will have it the rest of my life. I’ve accepted the symptoms. The highs, the lows, the meds, the docs, hospitals, cognitive and behavioral therapies; I’ve accepted it all. For the rest of my life I will have to adapt my lifestyle to trying to keep… Continue Reading

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Bringing in the New Year Hot Mess style!

Every year at this time, December 31, we have the tradition of making New Years Resolutions.  You know, things we want to do in this new year to better ourselves, like working out more.  So for the first few weeks of January, the gyms are all packed to the max, then as February rolls in, the crowd starts dwindling, and by March, its the same crowd that was there prior to January 1.  We seem… Continue Reading

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Disguise and lies????

Honestly.  Do I really think that changing my hair color is going to help me begin a new transformation? Probably not.  It’s more like I am putting on a disguise and lying to myself and everyone else that this Christi with a fresh new hair do is really as changed and transformed on the inside as she is on the outside.   Because the reality of it is this: I am always going to be… Continue Reading

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Dear Friends, I suck.

Dear Friends, Yes.  I admit that I have become a shithead lately.  I have crawled into a cave and found myself a nice cozy blanket in there.  No, it’s not warm in there.  No, it’s not fun.  No, I don’t want to be there, but it has become my self preservation and coping mechanism.  If I just stay in the hole, this too shall pass right?  Well, it’s kinda lonely in there, and I’m letting… Continue Reading

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Ahh yes. I forgot. I’m Really A Doormat!!!!

Ever feel like a doormat? Like everyone is trampling all over you, using you to wipe their wet shoes, stompin off the snow, and just when you think it can’t get any worse, someone comes wiping nasty shit all over you. Well, today is the day ladies (and gentlemen if this applies. I am not gender discriminate!) to declare what your doormat slogan is and to stick to it! No more: “Welcome!” or “Come on… Continue Reading

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Living Wills and Living Won’ts

Another look back at the past and I touched upon this gem. Reviewing my daily calendar (who has been quite neglected and was left at July 9), it gave me an idea. The Bad Girls Rage A Day Daily Calendar summarized their living wills in today’s calendar entry: I will tell you how your butt really looks in those, I will laugh loudly at your dorky jokes so people think you’re funny. Their living won’ts: I won’t… Continue Reading

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