Picking Up The Pieces

Hate the me that’s there every day The imperfect, insecure, unhappy girl that fucks up in every way Every step, every word misconstrued Trying to help everyone, giving herself,yet negatively viewed She broke down to nothing and began to put all the right things in place But then with one slip fell flat on her face Beginning again, but empty, lonely, and numb inside So misunderstood, wanting to do nothing but hide. Trying to grasp… Continue Reading

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Lets Fight!!!!

There are many ways to fight.  There are arguments between people and there are individuals fighting against things.  We fight against illness, we fight against feelings, we fight against our own judgment.  Today, lets fight against our inner demons and lets fight for wellness. Anorexia and Bulimia took over my life for many years.  If I could go back and take back all the time that was spent absorbed in my eating disorders, I would… Continue Reading

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A Dose of Positivity: The Updated List

Here is a list of all the things I am good at. I think if I look at life with a more positive spin, that will help me put things in perspective!!!!! 1. Injuring myself 2. Talking too much 3. Being at the wrong place at the wrong time 4. Finding the one asshole in the room (male or female) and becoming friends with them! HA 5. Being a Caloric Content Index (u name the… Continue Reading

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Counting the Numbers

  The cold washes through my soul Wanting to be thin Thinking it will make me whole So every calorie I consume Delicately counted One too many, run to the bathroom Indulging just one time You failure Get rid of it, all will be fine Stepping on the hated scale Watching in horror The number to big, you fail. Wanting all the fat to disappear Crying each night For the fat is always here But… Continue Reading

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Weak?! Really?!

Pulled from the Hot Mess Archives…. In the past few weeks, I have had people who have said they thought I was one of the strongest people they know, that I am stronger than they ever could be under the circumstances, and that they are amazed.  I have also had the complete opposite and have been told that I am weak and that I need to stop being weak and need to stand up and… Continue Reading

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So Stupid

I was so stupid, how didn’t I see You were only there to continue to break me Fooling me with your words, playing all the right games Gaining control of my heart, then tearing it up and calling me names Making me believe that you truly cared Holding me and comforting me when I was so scared It was never real, it was all just a scheme But I was too blinded by the charm… Continue Reading

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Where I’ve Been…. You sure you want to know?

Having bipolar sucks.  Thats all I have to say.  No matter how much you try to pretend it isn’t there because you are taking your meds and doing all you can to maintain stability.  There is always something that creeps up and literally beats you over the head and rips out your insides to the point it makes you crazy. So, right now, here I am, completely ripped to shreds.  I thought I was rebuilding… Continue Reading

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You

I opened the door of the empty home The silence echos, another night alone Walk up the stairs, turn on the light Far too often, yet doesn’t feel right Turn on the TV, its the same routine The haze in my mind makes it all feel like a dream My phone begins to ring, your name staring at me Instantly I’m smiling and leaving behind the insanity My world gets brighter when I know you… Continue Reading

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How I’m Doing

I had a request to see this post again.  I wrote this post at the beginning of February 2012…………… Everyone has been asking me how I’m doing, which I appreciate more than you know.  I appreciate all the words of encouragement and I appreciate everyone checking in on me.  I really do. Its nice to have those encouraging thoughts and to know that others out there are pulling for you to feel better too. But,… Continue Reading

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A Day At The Office

[This blog was originally written and published in August 2011 for the International Bipolar Foundation.  It was then used and published in the book Healthy Living with Bipolar Disorder that was published by them in early 2012.  The link to the original post and the link for obtaining a free copy of the book will be posted at the bottom of this post.] A Day At The Office I’m racing out the door with my… Continue Reading

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