How do you rise after the “Big Crash”?

You wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and staring back is remnants of 4 years of ups and downs, job loss, lost loves, lost friendships, not to mention the wear and tear of countless different medication combinations; fear as you look around your room, in your parents house.  That THIS is what you let yourself become after you swore to yourself after your first hospital visit in 2006, when you were diagnosed, that… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

When I’m Sorry Is No Longer Enough

Sometimes in relationships, the words “I’m Sorry” begin to lose their meaning. In some cases, can begin to mean nothing when we keep using them so flippantly as a quick band-aid, but then don’t follow through and change those actions or behaviors. In many situations, you can be saying I’m sorry, all while knowing that those words don’t mean anything to the other person anymore.  It’s just an “auto fill” statement that comes out when… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Every Night I Am Afraid

Yes. I am afraid. It’s bedtime and I’m terrified. This is the time I always become the most afraid. I lay in bed while I begin to panic and cry because I am afraid that he is going to forget me. That he is going to forget how much he loves me, forget what it feels like to love me, forget what it looks like to love me, forget what I look like, forget how much… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

So, What Do You Do For A Living?

Whenever I am invited to attend an event, or even just go out in public, there is a certain rush of anxiety that washes over me that remains there all the way not just until the day of the event or outing but lasting all through it as well.  What could possibly be so daunting for me? I mean, I used to be a social butterfly and out and about more days and nights of… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Barbie can have a brain too!

There was a very big stereotype that Barbie, you know, the perfectly figured blonde haired beauty was just that, outter beauty. She wasn’t known for being smart or intellectual. Every girl not only wanted a Barbie doll, but they wanted to be Barbie. Why? Well, who wouldn’t? Barbie had this incredible “dream home” a silver corvette, a gorgeous boyfriend named Ken, not to mention all the fabulous clothes and accessories. Her plastic world looked so… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Another birthday creeping up…

Another year farther away from what my life used to be.  That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.  This year, I want to make this a birthday to remember, but I want to remember it the way my new life is; not how life used to be. What did life used to be? (I’m going to use different names to protect the privacy of those… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

How Many Times Can You Pull The “Med Change” card?

Having a mental illness usually means we have tried a medication or two, or two hundred. We all have different reactions to medications  as well. Some medications may help us, but some medications can end up with the unfortunate side effects that are worse than the effects you experience due to your illness and are trying to subdo.  Typically when that happens, you and your doctor will sit down and discuss another alternative to try… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Feelings or Numb

(Excerpts from the journals of the Bipolar Hot Mess. All names have been changed for privacy.) Why do you love someone?? Love is such a weird emotion. I hate loving people. Actually, I hate having emotions. I hate feelings. I hate feeling sad, or mad, or upset. I hate being annoyed. I hate loving someone. I hate it because I always love that person too much. I always love the person like 100 times more… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Sometimes traditional therapy just doesn’t cut it!

Lets face it.  Having bipolar disorder can give us some symptoms that are really, really hard to control, like trouble with our spending habits.  Not all of us face it, but a lot do.  Some call it spending sprees, others refer to it as retail therapy.  Whatever your pleasure, its still the same.  Mine used to be going on my lunch break and walking around the stores, gathering all the things that I thought I… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

It’s Just An Excuse. The Hot Mess Responds

Yesterday, on the Bipolar Hot Mess Facebook page, there were some comments that were not so nice.  And I’m not talking about just one comment, but many, which left me feeling really conflicted because what I had hoped would be a more educational thread turned into something very far from that. The original comments said that mental illness is just an excuse and that we need to “get over ourselves.” Being a mental health blogger… Continue Reading

Print Friendly, PDF & Email