Paintbrush

I keep my paintbrush with me Wherever I may go In case I need to cover up So the real me doesn’t show I’m so afraid to show you me Afraid of what you’ll do That you might laugh or say mean things I’m afraid I might lose you. I’d like to remove all my paint coats To show you the real, true me, But I want you to try and understand I need you… Continue Reading

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How Many Times Can You Pull The “Med Change” card?

Having a mental illness usually means we have tried a medication or two, or two hundred. We all have different reactions to medications  as well. Some medications may help us, but some medications can end up with the unfortunate side effects that are worse than the effects you experience due to your illness and are trying to subdo.  Typically when that happens, you and your doctor will sit down and discuss another alternative to try… Continue Reading

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Feelings or Numb

(Excerpts from the journals of the Bipolar Hot Mess. All names have been changed for privacy.) Why do you love someone?? Love is such a weird emotion. I hate loving people. Actually, I hate having emotions. I hate feelings. I hate feeling sad, or mad, or upset. I hate being annoyed. I hate loving someone. I hate it because I always love that person too much. I always love the person like 100 times more… Continue Reading

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Sometimes traditional therapy just doesn’t cut it!

Lets face it.  Having bipolar disorder can give us some symptoms that are really, really hard to control, like trouble with our spending habits.  Not all of us face it, but a lot do.  Some call it spending sprees, others refer to it as retail therapy.  Whatever your pleasure, its still the same.  Mine used to be going on my lunch break and walking around the stores, gathering all the things that I thought I… Continue Reading

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It’s Just An Excuse. The Hot Mess Responds

Yesterday, on the Bipolar Hot Mess Facebook page, there were some comments that were not so nice.  And I’m not talking about just one comment, but many, which left me feeling really conflicted because what I had hoped would be a more educational thread turned into something very far from that. The original comments said that mental illness is just an excuse and that we need to “get over ourselves.” Being a mental health blogger… Continue Reading

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Is the Hot Mess REALLY a Mess?

“I’m a mess!” When I first began talking to CJ, I warned him. I told him that I was a mess, a walking disaster, and if it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. He didn’t believe me. I picked him up from the airport for the first time. Between baggage claim at O’Hare and my car in the parking garage ready to head off, I think “we” (meaning me) lost… Continue Reading

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A World Outside of You

You walk along with your head so high And runaway when you see me cry You can’t see anything outside of you Because in your world, #1 only walks in your shoes There’s a whole world just open your eyes People in your life are hurting, thats no surprise Get out of your head, this isn’t a dream Everyone around you is breaking, hear them scream? No you don’t hear the screams, do you want… Continue Reading

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This site is more than just my own rants

This website is far more than just a platform for me to bitch, whine, complain, and publicly rant and rave about my life, my illnesses, injustices, and my own personal causes. Sure, this site did start off as me just posting my random thoughts on completely random things, like public transportation, office dramas, Hollywood catastrophes and celebrity mishaps, and just some plain old funny things that happen to me daily (I’ve always said if it… Continue Reading

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And yet….and yet I wonder……

Yes. Me wondering is a very dangerous thing because my mind, thoughts and ideas can travel to some really really unexpected places. BUT… I wonder, as I have been doing some research on mental illnesses in my recent quest to do some volunteer work (to give me something to do which will get me out of my boyfriend’s hair, and so I can better understand myself), I was looking up some of the different illnesses,… Continue Reading

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The Adult Bipolar Child: A Parent’s Story

Some time ago, I received a question from a parent who was connected to their adult child, who has bipolar, through social media. After seeing some unpleasant posts and their consequences, they were looking for advice on how to handle things since their child is an adult. After reviewing that question and thinking for a few minutes, I realized that I probably wasn’t the best to answer that question entirely, but I knew someone who… Continue Reading

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