Paralegal by Day…

“So what are your plans for the weekend?” asked my friendly paralegal office neighbor as she popped her head in my office on her way out for the weekend. “Going out of town to see my husband,” I replied. “Oh. Is he out of town for business?” I paused briefly before answering. “Yes. Yes, he is.” I mean, I was not really lying. He was out of town because of business.  Ok, so it was… Continue Reading

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Another Untitled Poem

You’re in my heart, you’re in my dreams Not a moment is without you in my mind, it seems You make me laugh, you make me warm You make me smile through my emotional storms I’ve opened my heart, I’ve opened my soul Given you all I have, I hope you know You’ve turned my days from black to gold All of my secrets have begun to unfold But this part of my heart and voice… Continue Reading

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Where Did I Lose Your Love? My Last Letter To You

Or maybe the better question is When? Dear Ex…wait,  you aren’t very dear, so how about To The Ex, I’ve been there for you in the good times and the bad.  I tried to be the best ME that I could be.  When I discovered people trying to hurt you, I told you, yet you always found a way to make me the bad one. I still sucked it up.  I let it happen time… Continue Reading

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Better from here

  I opened the door of the empty home The silence echos, another night alone Walk up the stairs, turn on the light Far too often, yet doesn’t feel right Turn on the TV, its the same routine The haze in my mind makes it all feel like a dream My phone begins to ring, your name staring at me Instantly I’m smiling and leaving behind the insanity My world gets brighter when I know… Continue Reading

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Every Night I Am Afraid

Yes. I am afraid. It’s bedtime and I’m terrified. This is the time I always become the most afraid. I lay in bed while I begin to panic and cry because I am afraid that he is going to forget me. That he is going to forget how much he loves me, forget what it feels like to love me, forget what it looks like to love me, forget what I look like, forget how much… Continue Reading

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Feelings or Numb

(Excerpts from the journals of the Bipolar Hot Mess. All names have been changed for privacy.) Why do you love someone?? Love is such a weird emotion. I hate loving people. Actually, I hate having emotions. I hate feelings. I hate feeling sad, or mad, or upset. I hate being annoyed. I hate loving someone. I hate it because I always love that person too much. I always love the person like 100 times more… Continue Reading

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Is the Hot Mess REALLY a Mess?

“I’m a mess!” When I first began talking to CJ, I warned him. I told him that I was a mess, a walking disaster, and if it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. He didn’t believe me. I picked him up from the airport for the first time. Between baggage claim at O’Hare and my car in the parking garage ready to head off, I think “we” (meaning me) lost… Continue Reading

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A World Outside of You

You walk along with your head so high And runaway when you see me cry You can’t see anything outside of you Because in your world, #1 only walks in your shoes There’s a whole world just open your eyes People in your life are hurting, thats no surprise Get out of your head, this isn’t a dream Everyone around you is breaking, hear them scream? No you don’t hear the screams, do you want… Continue Reading

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This site is more than just my own rants

This website is far more than just a platform for me to bitch, whine, complain, and publicly rant and rave about my life, my illnesses, injustices, and my own personal causes. Sure, this site did start off as me just posting my random thoughts on completely random things, like public transportation, office dramas, Hollywood catastrophes and celebrity mishaps, and just some plain old funny things that happen to me daily (I’ve always said if it… Continue Reading

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Everything you need

Into my life you appeared from out of the blue You were there for me when I didn’t know what to do I was lost and spinning into the ground Sweeping me up, suddenly I’m found. Bringing me smiles and the spark in my eye Wiping the ever flowing tears that I cry Opening my heart to a feeling so new A friend by my side that I fell in love with too. All I… Continue Reading

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