Everything you need

Into my life you appeared from out of the blue You were there for me when I didn’t know what to do I was lost and spinning into the ground Sweeping me up, suddenly I’m found. Bringing me smiles and the spark in my eye Wiping the ever flowing tears that I cry Opening my heart to a feeling so new A friend by my side that I fell in love with too. All I… Continue Reading

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Closing the Door

The last bag is packed, the boxes all taped Every thought about every mistake I look around the cold and empty room No longer home, the bride leaving the groom There’s suddenly no air, my lungs, I can’t breathe My legs begin to tremor so I can not leave The desyncappated beat of whats left of my heart The pieces of my life scattered, all broken apart Close the door, drive away, all the tears… Continue Reading

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The Giving Tree

You think everything is going ok.  Laughing, smiling, learning each other’s schedules, finding out when they need a hug and when they need their space, and talking…communicating….about everything (or you thought everything).  Finally, for the first time in over a year, you feel stronger.  The past no longer makes your stomach turn and tears form in your eyes.  You don’t get sad and defeated.  There is someone who finally, after 8+ years, tells you that… Continue Reading

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Without You

A day without you is like sitting in the rain Drenched and heavy, feeling so cold each drop causing pain A day without you makes me so empty inside So hollow, so worthless,  its like a part of me has died When we are together, I feel like I’m whole and complete All the happiness that was missing came back in a sweep You make me laugh and I’m a better version of me When… Continue Reading

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Acceptance

One of the key components to recovery is acceptance. Coming to terms with what it is. Bipolar disorder. I’ve accepted that I have it. I have accepted that I will have it the rest of my life. I’ve accepted the symptoms. The highs, the lows, the meds, the docs, hospitals, cognitive and behavioral therapies; I’ve accepted it all. For the rest of my life I will have to adapt my lifestyle to trying to keep… Continue Reading

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Bringing in the New Year Hot Mess style!

Every year at this time, December 31, we have the tradition of making New Years Resolutions.  You know, things we want to do in this new year to better ourselves, like working out more.  So for the first few weeks of January, the gyms are all packed to the max, then as February rolls in, the crowd starts dwindling, and by March, its the same crowd that was there prior to January 1.  We seem… Continue Reading

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Disguise and lies????

Honestly.  Do I really think that changing my hair color is going to help me begin a new transformation? Probably not.  It’s more like I am putting on a disguise and lying to myself and everyone else that this Christi with a fresh new hair do is really as changed and transformed on the inside as she is on the outside.   Because the reality of it is this: I am always going to be… Continue Reading

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Dear Friends, I suck.

Dear Friends, Yes.  I admit that I have become a shithead lately.  I have crawled into a cave and found myself a nice cozy blanket in there.  No, it’s not warm in there.  No, it’s not fun.  No, I don’t want to be there, but it has become my self preservation and coping mechanism.  If I just stay in the hole, this too shall pass right?  Well, it’s kinda lonely in there, and I’m letting… Continue Reading

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Ahh yes. I forgot. I’m Really A Doormat!!!!

Ever feel like a doormat? Like everyone is trampling all over you, using you to wipe their wet shoes, stompin off the snow, and just when you think it can’t get any worse, someone comes wiping nasty shit all over you. Well, today is the day ladies (and gentlemen if this applies. I am not gender discriminate!) to declare what your doormat slogan is and to stick to it! No more: “Welcome!” or “Come on… Continue Reading

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Lost Love

Everything was fine, when I met you 6 months ago We were happy and in love, we let our feelings show. But then I left for school, and things got out of hand The laughing started to dwindle and was replaced with demands I became so crabby and always so irate It wasn’t you that caused me to look in the mirror and hate Then my eating diminished and my weight started to drop I… Continue Reading

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