My Friend ED.. aka eating disorder

Friend.  HA!  Isn’t that a joke. ED wants you to think he’s your friend, but does a friend slowly suck the life out of you and consume your ever waking (and even sleeping) moment with obsession and self loathing?  Hmmm. Actually… Just Kidding.  I wouldn’t call that a friend!  And yet, no matter how hard you try to get rid of him, he is always there, just lingering in the back of your mind, just… Continue Reading

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AHHHH! It’s a compliment!! HIDE!!!

Does anyone else find it hard or uncomfortable when they receive a compliment?  Like, almost unreal or unbelievable that someone would think that of you?  I have found it increasingly hard to accept a compliment.  For many, many years I battled with low self-esteem and when I finally started to gain it back, I was surrounded by people who knocked me down.  When you are continually put down, it gradually wears on you and breaks… Continue Reading

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Barbie can have a brain too!

There was a very big stereotype that Barbie, you know, the perfectly figured blonde haired beauty was just that, outter beauty. She wasn’t known for being smart or intellectual. Every girl not only wanted a Barbie doll, but they wanted to be Barbie. Why? Well, who wouldn’t? Barbie had this incredible “dream home” a silver corvette, a gorgeous boyfriend named Ken, not to mention all the fabulous clothes and accessories. Her plastic world looked so… Continue Reading

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Is the Hot Mess REALLY a Mess?

“I’m a mess!” When I first began talking to CJ, I warned him. I told him that I was a mess, a walking disaster, and if it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. He didn’t believe me. I picked him up from the airport for the first time. Between baggage claim at O’Hare and my car in the parking garage ready to head off, I think “we” (meaning me) lost… Continue Reading

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Bringing in the New Year Hot Mess style!

Every year at this time, December 31, we have the tradition of making New Years Resolutions.  You know, things we want to do in this new year to better ourselves, like working out more.  So for the first few weeks of January, the gyms are all packed to the max, then as February rolls in, the crowd starts dwindling, and by March, its the same crowd that was there prior to January 1.  We seem… Continue Reading

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Trying To Be Everything

I’m tired. Tired of what you ask. Tired of trying to be everything to everyone. Tired of trying to do everything for everyone and tired of acting like I can do everything for everyone. I’m tired of everyone expecting me to do everything for them and getting upset and making snide comments about me when I can’t do everything. PEOPLE. There are only 24 hours in a single day. I have BIPOLAR for gods sake,… Continue Reading

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Ahh yes. I forgot. I’m Really A Doormat!!!!

Ever feel like a doormat? Like everyone is trampling all over you, using you to wipe their wet shoes, stompin off the snow, and just when you think it can’t get any worse, someone comes wiping nasty shit all over you. Well, today is the day ladies (and gentlemen if this applies. I am not gender discriminate!) to declare what your doormat slogan is and to stick to it! No more: “Welcome!” or “Come on… Continue Reading

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A Letter of Self-Love

I  found this on Psych Central in a column called Weightless.  I read this and it actually gave me the idea that I should be doing this too.  I much too often let the bad take over and then forget how much good there really is.  I think a lot of my moods going up and down could also be served positively by this as well.   The more we tell ourselves the good things about… Continue Reading

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Its Never Too Late

George Eliot said “It’s never to late to become what you might have been.” Thanks Mr. Eliot for trying to give me hope, but I might have been able to fulfill my dreams as a model if my parents were taller, but that would mean i would either a) have had different parents and then not looked like I look or be who I am and then maybe I wouldn’t want to be a model… Continue Reading

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I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, And Gosh Darn It, People Like Me……orrrrr not???

For a good majority of my life, I walked around feeling completely and utterly inferior.  Somewhere along the line, I decided that I had to be perfect in order for my mom to love me. SOMETHING I HAD CREATED MYSELF IN MY OWN MIND and I carried that weight around with me for years and years.  While carrying that around, and trying to be perfect academically, I was trying to fit in socially.  The first… Continue Reading

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