I read something in a book called “Madness” by Marya Hornbacher that made my body clench because of how true it is, yet laugh at the same time because its so true, and was quite happy to know that the things my doc tells me really aren’t bullshit and other docs say the same thing. Here is a list of things TO DO to make sure YOU DO get crazier, as stated in the book “Madness”.
– Ignore everything your psychiatrist tells you. Disregard all his warnings about the way you’re living your life — in fact, do absolutely EVERYTHING he tells you NOT to do.
– Don’t always take your pills. They’re a hassle, and what if they make you dull? You don’t need them. ANd if you’re going to take the pills, take them with a glass of wine. It will make the mood swings EVEN MORE exciting!
– Don’t sleep; you’ve got to make sure your body clock is as fucked up as possible. The less you sleep, the more manic you’ll get, until soon you’ll go completely over the edge.
– Drink caffeine. Tons of it. Take your morning pills with coffee. It can’t hurt.
– Work around the clock — It is important to put yourself under as much stress as possible.
– Eating normally would stabalize your blood sugar, so DONT do that. Its better to keep your body in as unstable a state as you possibly can for maximum results.
– And, above all else, drink like a fish!
This is a Recipe for Disaster. But, we all do it at one point or another and then sit and wonder why we can’t just have a normal day!!!!! Well, DUH! If we do everything they tell us not to do, then for sure we are going to be one big shit show! But let me ask you this…… how many people actually enjoy being a shitshow every now and again? I mean, I agree that sometimes I get more done when I am running all around and am all over the place, and come up with my greatest plans and ideas then, but I don’t think anyone else around appreciates me in that state, nor do I, or anyone else for that matter, appreciate the aftermath. It’s a miserable aftermath, and is the benefit worth the cost? At that moment,
YES! ABSOLUTELY YES IT IS!!!!
Ask me if its worth it after I’ve blazed around like the Tazmanian Devil, hurting not just myself, but friends and family and everyone who loves me (for the umpteenth time who can’t even bear to hear the phrase “I’m sorry” because to them it means nothing but an empty statement I throw out there when I want things to be ok again and want to feel like everything is normal, but really they know its going to happen again, inevitably, and frankly that phrase has almost become insulting) and I will say, HELL NO, IT ABSOLUTELY IS NOT!!!!
Who knows folks, maybe a constant steady stream of emotion for a while will actually feel better than this roller coaster of ups and downs, highs and lows that make me want to either rip my hair out or rip my heart out. Hmmmm… well, if I do decide that I want to be crazy, I can always follow that recipe list!
OR NOT! (I think I kind of like the nice and steady.)