I have always questioned if you exist or not. Lately, I have been thinking that you do. Not only do you exist, but you have been punishing me for every wrong decisions I have made in my entire life and throwing them back at me like big gigantic mudballs.
And you know what…..
I accept it. I can handle it. I have been able to keep picking myself up and getting stronger. You keep throwing those mudballs and inside them are new challenges. I hate you for it, but I overcome them and move on.
But today, I do not write because of me. Like I said, I can handle these shitballs you throw. I write because there is someone I know and love very much who has not gotten a few gigantic mudballs thrown their way, but it almost seems like a mudslide.
Mr or Mrs. Higher Power, a few mudballs are tolerable, but this mudslide….well, its just not right. They was not prepared for this! While I do understand that all of us create some of the situations that come back at us and we do have to accept consequences of our actions, good or bad, this is just not quite right at all. Higher Power, YOU ARE GANGING UP ON HIM and it’s not right! I don’t think he’s equipped yet to handle all of this. I love him so much and to see him in a situation like this just breaks my heart and breaks me down! Throw the stuff my way. I can handle all of this. I am not asking, I am begging.
Mr/Mrs. Higher Power, whereever you are, I do think that you exist and while I don’t have all the answers yet about you, I have been searching a little more everyday to figure you out.
In the meantime, could you please stop the massive mudballs and give them a bit of time to breathe. I can’t stand to see them like this. It is tearing me apart more than if I was sliding down your mudslide. Sure, some of their mud has already come my way, but I have been dealing with this kind of stuff my whole life. They haven’t. You can’t just go on full attack like that.
There is a lot of good in their heart and while they may have made some mistakes, and may have been misguided and had different intentions and values that other people have/had, that doesn’t take away from the huge heart with a lot of love. They have such a great spirit and are so intelligent. They have so much to give everyone they meet. Their young spirit and soul have dreams and goals and just want a shot to pursue them. Those may or may not have a place for me in it doesn’t even matter to me. I know that their family is worried sick, and that everyone loves them and is trying to do what’s best. While most of it seems harsh, they all do love and care, I just wish they could see that. I just want them to be happy.
Mr/Mrs. Higher Power, please. I am at wits end and don’t know what else to do but to beg you, to please stop throwing mudballs and please give them a chance! I can’t stand to see their family like this anymore. They do not deserve this. Not at all!
Your newest believer