All, Bipolar Disorder, Random Musings

Dreams of Ancient Times…….

We have all had those dreams haven’t we?   You know, the ones that have a cast of characters from your past.  Maybe a former love, or a long lost best friend, or the huge crush that wouldn’t give you the time of day.  Sometimes its reliving an exact experience from back in the day, other times its just the characters from the past and you embark on a new adventure in dreamland.  When you wake up though, what are you thinking???  How do you feel???  Does it make you think about the past or do you just think “Man, that was weird” and then move on with your day never thinking about it again.

For me, I can usually NOT get it out of my head.  I feel like I have to analyze every part of it and find out why I dreamed what I did, why those people were the chosen people to be in my dream, how much of the dream was an actual reality, how much wasn’t.  I know that I have huge, very huge gaps in my memory of high school and college.  I don’t know why they were blocked out, whether it was because of my bipolar or just because I felt so miserable during those times that I didn’t want to remember them, so I can never tell if the dreams are real or not.

Last night though, the dream felt so real.  The feelings were the same feelings I had back then.  The characters were the same as they were for that situation back in high school.   So, what does it mean???? Why do we have these dreams?????  The ones that are soooooo vivid that you feel the feelings so strongly you remember the dream for days.  Why does my brain want me to remember these memories?  Are they inspired by something?  Do I need some sort of closure or something?  I don’t understand!  There is one character that continually shows up, and I wonder why my mind has to remind me of them and of all the bad feelings associated with them.  Why can’t I let it go?!  Why do they keep appearing in those dreams???!!!!

While sometimes the dreams bring up things of the past and remind me of things I have supressed, sometimes they just bring up people and feelings I would like to keep buried.  So, how do I keep them buried?  How do I make sure they stay way down deep and never come back out?????

 

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