Even The Hot Mess Doesn’t Have All the Answers

Yes folks. Its true.  I really don’t have all the answers.  If I did, I probably would know why people think that insulting and hurting other people because you feel poorly about yourself is acceptable.  Especially when its the ones you love.  If I had all the answers I would know why people who are completely selfish walk around saying that everybody else is the selfish one.  I would also know why it hurts so much when people do those things to you despite the fact that you know very well this is the way they are and the way they will always be.  I would know that when you give your all and give everything to someone, they will always take advantage of it and hurt you in the end.  Heck I would probably know better than to give my all and to give my whole heart to someone to begin with.  I could prevent a whole list of things like: being trampled on, forget the hurt, and forget all the destruction caused.  I would know why they always choose to knock you flat on your ass when you have finally gotten yourself up and back on the right track.  I’d  know why some people just can’t ever be happy for anyone else, and would also know that as long as they are miserable, they will do whatever they can to make you miserable too.

But I don’t know.  And so I keep getting hurt.  And my heart is getting destroyed.  Again.  And Again.   And I don’t know how much more I can take.  When you love someone, are you supposed to love them so much that even if they are destroying you, you still give them everything?  How could someone who loves you be so mean, and cruel, and lets not forget inconsiderate and insensitive, to you?  When did it become acceptable for my feelings to no longer matter?  And why, after all the hurt and pain they cause, do they expect you to be OK with it and to continue on as if nothing happened, you know, “business as usual.”

When did it become acceptable to break a lovers heart because you are pouting and having a bad stroke of luck?  When did it become acceptable to crush the one person who has been consistently cheering you along, even when all others have jumped ship or lied to you about their loyalty?  Despite the fact that you have shot down every positive thing that one person has done, they still give you their all and you still think its appropriate to crush them like an ant. Have you not stopped to think about what it might feel like if the roles were reversed? Ah yes.  If the roles were reversed, there is no way you would have stuck around for a friend that treated you that way.  So why treat others like that?  Isn’t there a saying “Do unto others as you would want done to you?”

I wish I had the answers.  I wish this Hot Mess wasn’t such a mess and could sort through the ways the mind works when in love.  That would solve not just my problems, but probably the problems of the world and I could be a millionaire!  Oh what a dream…….but, that my friends will be for another post.

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