I think we all encounter a few types of people in our lives that fit into some specific categories that if not handled the right way, can really affect our lives in a negative way. However, what type of person WE are and how we handle each type of person, makes a huge difference. It can make or break a situation. Take me for example. I’m the person who has to “fix” everybody and make everything, and everyone better, no matter what the cost or toll it takes on me and my life. (I know, it’s a flaw, I’m working on it)
Type A. The Bad Lucker’s
We all know people, friends or acquaintances who tend to encounter some bad luck. Now you, being the nice person you are, help them out of the unlucky situation, or are there to help guide them through it, and helps things get sorted out until all is good and calm. Time goes by and now you are beginning to realize that this “bad luck” incident was not just “an incident” but instead, this person is a bad luck magnet. You spend more time helping them from one crisis to the next, then suddenly you realize you haven’t even had a chance to think about your own life, nor have you even attempted to begin to fix the shambles that it is in.
Type B. The Cry Wolfers.
Yes, I’m sure we can pinpoint at least one person who you help out of a pretty big jam, but because you had helped them out once in the past, they keep coming back “crying wolf” with every little tiny thing being an enormous earth shattering crisis, or disaster. You spend more time coming to their rescue, again and again, and you have no time to try and reassemble your own life, so you decide to take a stand. BAD IDEA! When you finally stop acknowledging them and their false alarms, It gets turned around and YOU now have become this evil, horrible person who “doesn’t care” or is “selfish,” and become the newest target for them to set out to destroy and make sure everyone knows what a horribly rotten person you are. (Apparently the 1,001 “wolf cries” that you were there for and went above and beyond to assist with are suddenly forgotten).
Type C. The One Uppers
Ahhh yes. The “one- uppers.” We can’t forget those. No matter what you say, do, or have, they make it their MISSION to have something to say that makes them seem better. Or, they will do something that they view as “better” than what you did, maybe even do as much as they can to obtain and surpass what you have and make it a point to constantly point out “their” new “obsession” and all the ways THEY are better (or more obsessed) than you.
Type D. The “Friend” Who Vanishes
One day you meet someone and you both seem to have a lot in common. So much, it’s almost eerie, but at the time you don’t really notice much because you are finally grateful that you have found someone on the same wavelength as you. They show a lot of interest in the things you do, so you begin to teach them things. You help them out a bit, open up a few doors, etc. All seems fine when suddenly, they are gone. They have climbed up the ranks and now suddenly, there you are, left down on the bottom and they barely acknowledge your existence. Wow. Well, that was a blow to the gut. Yes, you get over it, but not after you sit and wonder and question why this person would just take advantage and scram. Then, you realize that this seems to be a common theme. You help, and encourage, you wish nothing but the best for them, you help them celebrate their victories. For many, they would then vanish, but with some, you suddenly find yourself completely misunderstood and accused of actions that were taken out of context and shut out of their life completely and you can not explain because there is no way to. A several year friendship just gone, and while they are moving on and the world has no idea what happened or the horrible things that were said to me, I am left to sit back and watch and witness my other friends go on as nothing happened. Why don’t I speak up? Because despite the ill sentiments that were thrown at me, I do honor and respect a request when someone says to not tell anyone else.
I guess in this case, I am the one who was the “peep” that “needed to be let go” and that is a whole new feeling. I was hurt, and I was hurt so badly and taken by such surprise that it took me several months before I could discuss it without bawling my eyes out or being depressed for many days. Over and over in my head I wanted to know what I could have done to have saved that. But, everyone always says that good friends will only stay mad at you for a little bit and will come back to you to work things out. It’s been a few months and there is no progress. Posts I had written have been taken down like I don’t exist.
Type E. You are the excess baggage
It is a lot harder to deal with when you are the one who has been kicked to the curb. If I had done something unforgivable, then I could understand. I wish nothing but the best for this person. I always have and I always will. It’s taken a while for me to not get so emotional about it (I still do, but it’s become easier).
When it comes time for you to cut ties with someone, either any of the above mentioned, or just a friend in general, put yourself in the their position when you decide to say goodbye. Don’t do it when you are in an angry state, or if you are going through a medication change. Those times can cause the most hurtful comments. Take a bit to cool down beforehand and then reasses the situation and see if you are still upset or if it is still rational.
For me, it’s quite unfortunate that a friendship has ended and I’m deeply hurt by a misunderstanding, but I’ve spent many months going over and over everything in my head wondering what I could do differently and at the end of the day, I’m the one who was the excess baggage.