Well, today was quite an amazing day. While I did know that I had been nominated for this (I had to provide my bio and pic ahead of time) seeing it actually posted on the Psych Central website and all over the internet has left me completely awestruck. I mean, here I was, almost 16 months ago, at ground zero, going on disability and now, here I am being honored as a Mental Health Hero!!!
Here is the link for the post: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/humor/2013/05/christina-huff-of-ask-a-bipolar-mental-health-hero-mentalhealthmonth/
I have written several times about how I don’t like to viewed as a hero, or an idol, or anything like that because I spent so many years trying to get away from my issues with perfectionism and trying to please everyone. Being viewed as a hero, or idol, can at times make me feel like I have this huge weight on my shoulders and that I have a huge pressure or a new set of standards to meet and if I don’t meet them (in my own opinion) then I feel like I have failed and have let everyone down, and what kind of hero lets everyone down?????
This time, I have decided to look at this honor a lot differently. I have decided to change the way I view the honor so that I don’t put that SELF IMPOSED pressure on myself. I am not going to look at it as me being a “hero” in that I have to come to the rescue and save everyone that crosses my path, but as a hero in the sense that I went from ground zero to hero not once, but TWICE in my life! The first time was back in 2006 when I was first diagnosed and when through therapy and got myself back to work and working well, and then a second time, these last 16 months. This time, however, instead of being the one seeking out the help and support as I did before and finding Ask A Bipolar and using them as my support and my writing there to build myself back up, I built my own place for OTHERS to come to for support, and I drew my strength from those that I had given support to and helped on my own forum.
I have hit ground zero twice and risen back up with finesse and glitter flying. I know now that I did it once, I did it twice, I can do it again. I can overcome any battle thrown my way, and THAT is what heroes do. They overcome each battle that is thrown their way. It doesn’t mean that they are idolized or that they have to maintain a certain persona. Sure, people may admire the strength a hero has or want to be able to overcome things just like the hero, but the pressures to be something specific because that is what I have personally imposed on myself….. not so much.
Today, I am celebrating that even though I had a lot of obstacles thrown my way, I plowed through and clawed my way to the top again. Have I reached the top yet??? NO! I still have a long way to go, but I’ve gotten there before, and can get there again. The difference is, this time I have a little cape with a bit more confidence on my back helping me get there. And I have all of my followers supporting me. Sure, I sprinkle my wisdom on you all, but you guys are my support system too! You give ME strength! And for THAT, I thank you and its because of you that I kept trucking on and was able to receive this honor. So THANK YOU ALL!!!!!
THANK YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS!!!!!! *throws glitter*
The Bipolar Hot Mess
To see another post I have written about being a hero etc, here is the link: http://bipolarhotmess.com/im-only-human/