What is “this” you ask?  A mental illness.   I don’t want it anymore.  Where is the receipt.  There has to be a receipt here somewhere so I can take it back and exchange my brain for one that is chemically balanced the way a normal person’s is.  Mine seems to be out of whack and it doesn’t seem to be getting better.  In fact, with each and every day that passes, I feel as though I am becoming more and more like all the stereotypes I have been working so hard to get rid of and prove completely inaccurate because of all the advances in medicine over time.  I am beginning to feel as though my bipolar, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, will not go into remission again.  And it scares the LIVING SHIT out of me!

After my divorce, I thought, and many people thought and told me and encouraged me and reassured me that my divorce was the best thing for me and things could only go up from there.  I believed it, or at least tried to.  For a while, things did seem to be getting better.  I was starting to get out of the house, I was forming relationships, and while my medication cocktail just couldn’t seem to find the right combo, I had so much love and support around me and I felt that there was hope.

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