What is “this” you ask? A mental illness. I don’t want it anymore. Where is the receipt. There has to be a receipt here somewhere so I can take it back and exchange my brain for one that is chemically balanced the way a normal person’s is. Mine seems to be out of whack and it doesn’t seem to be getting better. In fact, with each and every day that passes, I feel as though I am becoming more and more like all the stereotypes I have been working so hard to get rid of and prove completely inaccurate because of all the advances in medicine over time. I am beginning to feel as though my bipolar, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, will not go into remission again. And it scares the LIVING SHIT out of me!
After my divorce, I thought, and many people thought and told me and encouraged me and reassured me that my divorce was the best thing for me and things could only go up from there. I believed it, or at least tried to. For a while, things did seem to be getting better. I was starting to get out of the house, I was forming relationships, and while my medication cocktail just couldn’t seem to find the right combo, I had so much love and support around me and I felt that there was hope.