I thought I could fly……..

Yes, the Bipolar Hot Mess doesn’t know EVERYTHING.  I do fall myself.  Lately, it seems that I am an expert at falling, or failing. I think that I am doing fine and I keep pushing and adding on more until the ultimate crash and burn.  Why don’t I ever know my limit and stick to it???  So, the advice I have been given is to focus on the things that are most important to me and work on those first.  How do I prioritize what is most important to me?  I feel like I have a list of a thousand things I want to do and need to get ALL of them done!  Well, we can all see how well that has worked out for me this past year.  I’ve had more breakdowns this year than I did the year I was in the hospital twice.  Hell, sometimes I think that I should have just admitted myself at least once and maybe that would have snapped me into reality and prevented some of these eventual downfalls.

Spending a week on an island with no tv, little internet, no schedules and living on “island time” really forces you to stop and take a breath.  I wasn’t rushing and battling the crowds and the people who are shoving their way down the street just as late for their next engagement as you are.  I was able to put all the anxiety and craziness aside and actual stop and think about things.  Not racing thought things about the whole to do list for that day that I would never have time to do, or all the work tasks or household chores that needed tending to.  I was able to actually think about what it is that makes me happy and what I actually want to do and be doing.

I made a list of all the things that make me happy.  My goal this next year is to incorporate all of those into my life somehow, ONE at a time.  Not all at once, and not in overwhelming proportions.  Moderation.  I was getting so caught up in the success of my blogging and all the people I was helping, that I just kept taking on more and more and I ended up drowning.  Not only that, but everything else around me was crumbling and I began to lose a part of myself.  And the part that I was losing was the part that was keeping me alive and keeping me, ME.  How can I be inspirational if I lose ME????

I have shared my list with someone that I know will hold me to the list and make sure that I don’t go overboard.  I trust that person and know that they will lay the smack down if I get off track as well.  I’m not sharing my list, because it has some really cool things on there that I want to be surprises for you guys.

Moral of this story:  sometimes we get so wrapped up in everything that we think we can fly, but instead we end up flying head first into the water and drowning.  Lets take things slow and enjoy life.  While we don’t know what is around the corner or what will happen tomorrow, lets enjoy the day and enjoy what we are doing that day instead of trying to pack everything but the kitchen sink into the day and not enjoying a single minute of it.

That said, here is one of my newest favorite songs, Down by Jason Walker.

 

I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I’d never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/jason-walker-lyrics/down-lyrics.html ]
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.
Oh I am going down, down, down
Can’t find another way around
And I don’t want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
I never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Oh it’s coming down, down, down.

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