Sometimes, you realize that everything turned out to be nothing you ever could imagine it would and get so low you can’t get out anymore. That everyone else is going on and living life the way you want and should be, but you aren’t because the physical pain and emotional pain has you frozen and you can’t move. Have you reached out? yes. Have you tried the best you can and as much as you possibly can? yes. Can you still feel like things will never get better? yes. Do people no longer take you seriously when you say I want to die? Do people think that because you smile on the outside and can do certain things in autopilot that you are fine on the inside? Are you so uncomfortable in your own skin and so disgusted with your own self that you can’t even admit how much to anyone? Are you afraid to tell anyone because you know they won’t take you seriously and so it will just make you feel worse? Are you exhausted and everything in your life has just become so overwhelming that you can’t even breathe? Are you too embarrassed to ask for help with certain things because you are embarrassed of what they are? Are you drowning financially and the thought of even trying to start fixing things makes you physically sick? Are you sunk so deep that ALL your emergency meds look good to you??????
Welcome to the world of The Bipolar Hot Mess. Everyone thinks I have all the answers and that I can do it all. But, I will admit to all 10,000+ of you, that I can’t do it all. I don’t have all the answers, and I’m dying more and more on the inside and outside every day. My life is not all glitter and unicorns. I have my ups and downs just like all of you. And this down, is immensely worse than all the others. How far down will I go???? Even I don’t know………….