Last night, I experienced a major, MAJOR blow.
While I was experiencing a very emotional time in my life and was already hurting and upset about events previously that night , I reached out to someone that “claimed” they cared about me. I explained my situation, but the response I got, was so far beyond belief of what I could have ever expected to roll out of the mouth of someone who “cared” about me.
I sat at first in disbelief and shock, then in horror as they told me that no one wants to hear my sob story anymore, to go get a job at McDonalds, and that I needed to go to rehab because of the medications I take for my bipolar.
I couldn’t have been more appalled and upset at what happened earlier in the night, but then to have THAT said to me while I was at an extreme low….. It just goes to show, again, the ignorance of the public when it comes to mental illness.
GO TO REHAB AND GET OFF ALL MY MEDS???!
Thinking about it later, and examining it more clearly, let’s think about what they said and how little sense it makes, yet, in that moment, when I was so upset and vulnerable, I couldn’t stop and pull apart those words to think about it rationally. I was devestated because those words hurt so badly because they were thrown at me with such an angry and violent tone, my reaction was just to break down further. But rationally,
- Being on social security disability from my paralegal job for my bipolar crash is NOT a sob story. Trust me, I would much rather work than deal with the ups and downs and hellish like roller coaster that having bipolar can bring.
- Go work at McDonalds? So, because I’m on disability from my paralegal job, that means that the only thing I’m capable of is working at McDonalds, even though I worked for many years as a paralegal just fine.
- Go to rehab. Well, if a doctor is prescribing me medication to help me with an existing condition that was previously managed with daily medication, then I don’t think I need to go to rehab to get off ANY medication because I am SUPPOSED to be on that medication. I’m not taking illegal drugs.
Now, I have felt really bad a lot of times in my life, but last night, THAT TOOK THE CAKE!!! And coming from someone who says they care about me and want to help me…. I have never felt worse in my life. Mental Health Hero??? I absolutely feel like a mental health ZERO right now. If I can’t even educate those around me, how can I educate the rest of the public???
That was just downright cruel. And to kick someone when they are already at their lowest? WHO DOES THAT!!!!! Do people have no compassion or consideration anymore? I NEVER would say ANYTHING like that to ANYONE! Friend OR stranger!!
Has the world really become so cold? I want to believe that there are others like me out there, who have bigger hearts than their body can hold and have compassion and empathy, but everyday, it never fails, I am shown that people like me don’t exist anymore. Now, does that mean that the only way I am going to make it in this world is to become like that? Because I could never do that. And so, if I don’t, what happens?
Do I spend my life alone because I won’t conform to the cold, selfish, self-serving, emotionless mold that is taking over?