Well, my faithful blog readers. I know I have not kept up my blog much in the last several months. Things have been quite hectic, but in that time, I have found myself holding everything inside like a candy deprived child with all their halloween candy; eats it all in one sitting, and then subsequently moans and groans for a few hours until he ends up puking the rest of the nite because of the sugar overload. I am now experiencing an emotional overload and shit is starting to fly everywhere! My fear of every body freaking out and overreacting each and every time a single tear rolls down my cheek, or a single bad day creeps my way, keeps me from telling anyone what’s wrong. I am continually misunderstood and to prevent that, I have been holding it all in and letting myself imbibe in some libations which results in letting it all out in the most mean, terrible, and embarrassing manner available.
So, now, new doctors orders are to get those feelings out and stop holding it all in and perhaps things will change for me. I am to try to find more social outlets and make some friends with whom I feel comfortable talking to, who WON’T freak out with a tear or a bad day. (Yea, because its so freakin easy to make some really good reliable people who don’t run and head to the hills when they suddenly discover that you are bipolar) So, according to doc…… time to make new friends!!!!!! However, I am at a loss right now because I seem to be lacking time for all the things that need to be done. How am I supposed to make new friends, when I can barely keep up with the ones I have? I mean, between my job, working out (doc orders), helping the bf with his ebay/amazon stuff, scuba stuff, working on all the things my parents want me to do at home, all the things I personally have to get done (my own ebay/amazon stuff), the volunteer things that he wants me to do, the additional volunteer things he wants me to start doing, the things for everyone else that he volunteers me to do… I am exhausted all the time and barely get to see any of my own friends. Saturday and Sunday are out because I spend those days running all around town trying to get his things done and stressing because my own things are not getting done. (Tired just reading it??? Welcome to my world!)
SOOOOOO, for now, I guess blogging is going to be my way of puking the candy up becasue I can take 10 minutes out of my day to type a bit on the computer. (HMMMM.. even now I feel guilty because I have soooooo much work to do on my cases and I could have used that 10 minutes for work, or used it to read up on how to build websites for him, or called a friend I have neglected for weeks, or left 10 minutes early…) hmmm.. and he thinks I have other guys…. GOOD LORD… when would I have the time??!!!!
I think I have honestly hit the point of battery dead and I am shutting down…..
So, until the battery recharges….. I promise… no more rants… things will get HILARIOUS pretty soon… wait til I start to hit delerium….