The Day I Wanted A Dog Castle For Prince

I almost forgot about this, until this morning.  I woke up with ideas flooding my brain and after watching The Black Swan, I went back to my never gets old regret that I never continued ballet.  So, I text my cousin (she works overnights at the air force base, so I knew she was up) who has done ballet and ask her about how to buy a pointe shoe. (yup, those ones with the wood… Continue Reading

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Another Untitled Poem

You’re in my heart, you’re in my dreams Not a moment is without you in my mind, it seems You make me laugh, you make me warm You make me smile through my emotional storms I’ve opened my heart, I’ve opened my soul Given you all I have, I hope you know You’ve turned my days from black to gold All of my secrets have begun to unfold But this part of my heart and voice… Continue Reading

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Are your feelings like a scary movie????

Do certain emotions freak you out?  Like love for example.  Does the thought of being in love terrify you so much you find yourself retreating up the stairs and trapped in a closet while love comes after you ready to attack at any second?  (In every scary movie, everyone always runs up the stairs and traps themselves instead of running out the door.  Instinct I guess?  Pretty shitty instinct though. The villan is going to… Continue Reading

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Where Did I Lose Your Love? My Last Letter To You

Or maybe the better question is When? Dear Ex…wait,  you aren’t very dear, so how about To The Ex, I’ve been there for you in the good times and the bad.  I tried to be the best ME that I could be.  When I discovered people trying to hurt you, I told you, yet you always found a way to make me the bad one. I still sucked it up.  I let it happen time… Continue Reading

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Better from here

  I opened the door of the empty home The silence echos, another night alone Walk up the stairs, turn on the light Far too often, yet doesn’t feel right Turn on the TV, its the same routine The haze in my mind makes it all feel like a dream My phone begins to ring, your name staring at me Instantly I’m smiling and leaving behind the insanity My world gets brighter when I know… Continue Reading

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Another year older, but wiser?

Here I am.  Another year older.  I woke up this morning and was actually relieved that I was not hungover (as I usually am after a night of birthday celebrations) but instead just looked like I was run over.  If smeared eyeliner and the rats nest of curls with mass quantities of hairspray were the only evidence of a night out, then for sure it was a success.  I’ve also been awake for almost 12… Continue Reading

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Where’s the lowest low on the bipolar coaster?

Wouldn’t all of us with bipolar like to know the answer to THAT!! The problem is, the joke’s on US! There IS NO ANSWER to that question! What do I mean there’s no answer? Well, we first have to start off with a few facts. Bipolar has varying severities  (i.e. BP I, BP II, etc.) The HIGHS experienced in bipolar are either: full blown mania in Bipolar I (the most extreme because it can cause… Continue Reading

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Dear Baby….

Dear Baby, I’m writing this to you To tell you all the things I feel And  at times forget to do My sweetheart, you take my breath away Your kindness, and your honesty I fall in love some more each day. My teacher, you are guiding me to grow When all I had were big dark clouds You showed me my rainbow My lover, you taught me to believe That not all are broken and… Continue Reading

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That same haunting question…

It has become a theme as I read through old journals and poems and pages of notes I’ve scribbled through the years. That same thing I believe many of us with any kind of illness constantly asks ourselves. What did I do wrong that caused me to get this? I have one journal entry where I write: I have always tried to be nothing but nice and do the right thing, and 20 years later… Continue Reading

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How do you rise after the “Big Crash”?

You wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and staring back is remnants of 4 years of ups and downs, job loss, lost loves, lost friendships, not to mention the wear and tear of countless different medication combinations; fear as you look around your room, in your parents house.  That THIS is what you let yourself become after you swore to yourself after your first hospital visit in 2006, when you were diagnosed, that… Continue Reading

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