Where’s the lowest low on the bipolar coaster?

Wouldn’t all of us with bipolar like to know the answer to THAT!! The problem is, the joke’s on US! There IS NO ANSWER to that question! What do I mean there’s no answer? Well, we first have to start off with a few facts. Bipolar has varying severities  (i.e. BP I, BP II, etc.) The HIGHS experienced in bipolar are either: full blown mania in Bipolar I (the most extreme because it can cause… Continue Reading

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That same haunting question…

It has become a theme as I read through old journals and poems and pages of notes I’ve scribbled through the years. That same thing I believe many of us with any kind of illness constantly asks ourselves. What did I do wrong that caused me to get this? I have one journal entry where I write: I have always tried to be nothing but nice and do the right thing, and 20 years later… Continue Reading

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How do you rise after the “Big Crash”?

You wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and staring back is remnants of 4 years of ups and downs, job loss, lost loves, lost friendships, not to mention the wear and tear of countless different medication combinations; fear as you look around your room, in your parents house.  That THIS is what you let yourself become after you swore to yourself after your first hospital visit in 2006, when you were diagnosed, that… Continue Reading

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When I’m Sorry Is No Longer Enough

Sometimes in relationships, the words “I’m Sorry” begin to lose their meaning. In some cases, can begin to mean nothing when we keep using them so flippantly as a quick band-aid, but then don’t follow through and change those actions or behaviors. In many situations, you can be saying I’m sorry, all while knowing that those words don’t mean anything to the other person anymore.  It’s just an “auto fill” statement that comes out when… Continue Reading

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Why I Hate Hollywood……yet can’t stay away *sigh*

They are liars.  Yes folks.  They lie there.  They make these movies and make these characters that are just too perfect.  Then, we watch these movies and when our life doesn’t compare to the perfection in their movies, we are miserable.  Hollywood makes us miserable because we are trying to attain the illusions they put in front of us.  Thats all they are!  Illusions.  The movies are supposed to make us feel good, supposed to… Continue Reading

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A blast from the past…

Another trip through the Bipolar Hot Mess Archives….. So, I have been going through journals and re-reading poems that I have written, trying to piece back together what happened and what I was feeling prior to and while I was in therapy. Sometimes, it seems such a blur, and sometimes it seems clear as day. Sometimes, I can’t even remember anything at all. I found this entry in a random notebook: I came to a… Continue Reading

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Every Night I Am Afraid

Yes. I am afraid. It’s bedtime and I’m terrified. This is the time I always become the most afraid. I lay in bed while I begin to panic and cry because I am afraid that he is going to forget me. That he is going to forget how much he loves me, forget what it feels like to love me, forget what it looks like to love me, forget what I look like, forget how much… Continue Reading

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Bipolar Brain Block to Cell Block

No matter how much I try, or how many writing prompts or exercises I try, I just can’t seem to write these days. A lot of people suggest to, “write what you know.”  Well, sometimes what I know just gets kind of boring.  It feels redundant.  How many posts can I write about what I’m feeling like today, or what the symptoms of bipolar disorder are, or life with eating disorders is like.  I’m sure… Continue Reading

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So, What Do You Do For A Living?

Whenever I am invited to attend an event, or even just go out in public, there is a certain rush of anxiety that washes over me that remains there all the way not just until the day of the event or outing but lasting all through it as well.  What could possibly be so daunting for me? I mean, I used to be a social butterfly and out and about more days and nights of… Continue Reading

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They are Here! Bipolar Hot Mess T-Shirts

A great big shout out to AIR-WEAR Recovery for working so hard to make them look so AHHMAZING!  Each shirt can be personalized so you can pick your color  and style and then the logo you want as well!  Also, for each shirt purchased, a donation will be made to the Bipolar Hot Mess website.  Now, check out these awesome tees and snatch yours up ASAP! I’m so excited about this!  I’ve been wanting to… Continue Reading

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