Hate the me that’s there every day
The imperfect, insecure, unhappy girl that fucks up in every way
Every step, every word misconstrued
Trying to help everyone, giving herself,yet negatively viewed
She broke down to nothing and began to put all the right things in place
But then with one slip fell flat on her face
Beginning again, but empty, lonely, and numb inside
So misunderstood, wanting to do nothing but hide.
Trying to grasp on to any little piece she had before
Crawling and searching for them all over the floor.
Waking up every morning and beginning to cry
Internally yelling “Why did I do this, Why?”
Saying find all the pieces as I get out of bed
Put them back together and do the work to mend
For right now you have nothing, you’ve lost it all
The man that you love ready to give up with one more fall
But waking up beside him gives me a glimmer of hope
The drive that I need to keep pushing, not mope
And if I lost him, then all would be gone
And there would be no more reason to keep pushing on.
I know it hurts for him to see me this way
And it makes me feel worse that he always chooses to go out and play.
He’s all that I have, he’s the only one that makes me smile
If only I never got sick, I wouldn’t be in this shitpile.
Friends came and went, but he’s always stayed.
No matter what I did, I had always felt betrayed.
Its not fair to him that I’ve made him my entire life.
But I’m too fearful to make friends because I will get hurt like a knife.
Tomorrow is a new day, I’ll try again to gather all the pieces and begin to mend
Until then, just let me cry, cry until it hurts, and then the crying will end.