After many years of taking the CTA (public transit) in Chicago, I am getting completely disgusted! The rudeness, the inconsiderate ways and mannerisms, and countless other complaints of the other passengers is making the glitter slowly combust inside of me. Since my daily commute requires me to take one bus to one train each way (minimum) I have developed my own wish list of “Bipolar Hot Mess CTA Rider Etiquette,” that I established after almost vomiting all over myself because the passenger next to me had such a rank stench, I almost couldn’t breathe!
1) BATHE FREQUENTLY.
I’m sorry, I don’t want to smell what you had last night for dinner, I don’t want an overwhelming amount of cologne or perfume that smells like you bathed in it either because you just keep layering on the scent or you use half the bottle to cover up another smell such as alcohol from the night before, and I sure as hell don’t want to be smelling your B.O.!!! If a pregnant Natalie Portman could live in the Walmart and have her baby there, and yet still bathe, (yes, that movie was based off a true story.) I am sure that there is some waterhole in Chicago you can find to bathe in! Homelessness is not an option! We have a huge ass lake sitting right at the edge of Lakeshore Drive and a huge River that runs through the city! Ok, I may be acting a little over the top, but I just can’t handle it most days.
2) Seriously MEN!
Where the hell is chivalry? Why are you fools the ones pushing over all the old ladies, women with babies, and girls with an overabundance of bags so that you can be the first one to get a seat! You are a man. Act like one and give up your seat for the ladies! The majority of the offenders are in their late teen and 20’s who are perfectly able to stand for a few stops. (Pft and you idiots wonder why you can’t get a date!)
3) Exiting and Entering the Subway Station.
Lets address escalators. First, Escalators up. If you want to be lazy or if you are physically unable to use the stairs or to walk up, then stay to the right of the escalator please! That is for the riders. The walkers stand to the left and walk up! Don’t stand on the left and ride it up like an asshole! Seriously! Escalator Exiting. On the stairs, if you walk slowly, again, stand to one side of the stairs so when we hear the train coming, we can run down the other side and actually make our train!
This is all just common courtesy idiots! The world is not all about YOU! There is a whole world outside your own little bubble! Let’s be considerate of that!
The quesy CTA rider who stepped on a half eaten chicken wing this morning on the blue line then was squished next to a fat man with B.O. for the 45 minute ride to downtown with this staring at her on the floor.