THis is a story that took place in a far away land. I had a flashback……. (i hate flashbacks) that was so vivid I still felt the pain today….. ick!!!!!
Many years ago, there was a boy. Yes. A boy. Thats how long ago this was. There was a crush (I’m not saying by who) but nothing ever came of it. A few years later, the truth is revealed. That seemed to be a common theme in my life. A lot of should haves and a lot of nights wondering “what if?”. My self esteem being what it was, never really put any faith or actual belief in the fact that there was some truth in those situations. It was easier for me to believe it was all a lie and then not believe any of it, than it was for me to believe it and subsequently experience more heartbreak. I couldn’t handle anymore heartbreak at that point in my life. But, there was something about this boy, that when he spoke to me, I believed him. When he told me he cared, I believed him with all my heart. After being alone and relationship free for some time, his words really meant something. I thought that the games were over and he meant what he said. AAAANNNDDDD, as is typically the case, guy feeds girl bullshit lines, girl believes guy, girl goes above and beyond to help guy, make guy happy, and hold on to the words he said as being truth.
Sadly, as most stories like this end, he was full of shit. I was in a really bad place and needed help, and he was the first person to leave me out to dry. For someone who claimed they cared so much and said I was a priority, certainly made me the least priority on his list. While he didn’t cheat on me, after he left me in the pit of fire to find my own way out, he continued to tell me he cared and I was a priority. WHAT a show!! I mean, really. If you truly cared about someone, you don’t let the burn in a pit of fire without trying to get help, but instead, tell them you care?! Thats like standing at the edge of the pit with a fire extinguisher and the phone about to dial 9-1-1 and instead just sitting there blowing kisses.
This appears to be a vastly common theme among people these days. I have begun to see it a lot more recently too. People talk a real big game. They say they will be there, they say they want to help. Its bullshit. They say it to make themselves feel better. Its a purely selfish act. Everyone is an actor or actress these days. With everything someone says to me, I sit and think to myself, is this another pit of fire incidents? And regardless of what my brain or my heart thinks, I always treat it as if it is. Genuiness is so rare and hard to find. And when you actually find it, you must hold on to it. For life is going to deliver about 120 or so people that are blowing smoke up your ass before life delivers one genuine person. Be weary and cautious. I know that I am and forever will be.
This is for that boy and for anyone else that stands at the edge of that pit of fire……