All, Bipolar Hot Mess Daily Life, Random Musings, Relationships (Love)

Every Night I Am Afraid….

Yes. I am afraid. Its bedtime and this is the time I always become afraid. I begin to panic and cry because I am afraid that he is going to forget me. That he is going to forget how much he loves me, forget what it feels like to love me, forget what it looks like to love me, forget …

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Criminal Justice and Legal Field, Featured, Random Musings, Treatment

Bipolar Brain Block to Cell Block

No matter how much I try, or how many writing prompts or exercises I try, I just can’t seem to write these days. A lot of people suggest to, “write what you know.”  Well, sometimes what I know just gets kind of boring.  It feels redundant.  How many posts can I write about what I’m feeling like today, or what …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Diary

A Day In the Life of A Bipolar in Therapy

This is a direct entry from my journal.  Sometimes I have to look back to see how far I have come and to remind myself where I DON’T want to go…… September 16, 2006 I spent the day with MSA from group.  I had a good time.  [My boyfriend’s] friend gave us his tickets to go see Wicked and we …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Poetry, Self Esteem

Paintbrush

I keep my paintbrush with me Wherever I may go In case I need to cover up So the real me doesn’t show I’m so afraid to show you me Afraid of what you’ll do That you might laugh or say mean things I’m afraid I might lose you. I’d like to remove all my paint coats To show you …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Hot Mess Daily Life, Coping Techniques, Featured, Healthy Changes, Healthy Life & Relationships, The Bipolar Hot Mess Fav Things

Sometimes traditional therapy just doesn’t cut it!

Lets face it.  Having bipolar disorder can give us some symptoms that are really, really hard to control, like trouble with our spending habits.  Not all of us face it, but a lot do.  Some call it spending sprees, others refer to it as retail therapy.  Whatever your pleasure, its still the same.  Mine used to be going on my …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Criminal Justice and Legal Field, Featured

Another anniversary. Do you celebrate this one?

Anniversaries are intended to be dates that you remember and commemorate because it is some type of a milestone. There are wedding anniversaries, anniversaries of the date you were hired at your place of employment, anniversaries of sobriety dates, I think you get the point. But today, today is an anniversary that I’m very conflicted about. There are many reasons …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Criminal Justice and Legal Field, Featured

Why a mental health advocate cares about crime, justice, prisons, prosecutors and laws

Some of you have known me for many years as friends, relatives, colleagues, or just through my writing and advocacy work on other sites, and I thank you so much for still supporting me and following my journey! Many are just starting to get to know me, The Bipolar Hot Mess, as a blogger, an advocate, and slowly as a …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Change, Healthy Changes, Healthy Life & Relationships

What happens if you say no?

In the last few weeks, I have had a few people approach me and ask me for help in some form or another.  Now, what is the Hot Mess’ immediate reaction when someone asks for help? “Sure!” And then it happens.  I’ve committed to something else.  What I fail to do before immediately responding is to assess how much I …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Featured

Why I keep it all in and don’t tell people.

Someone asked me the other day why I keep everything inside and don’t talk to anyone about it and just let it all keep building up in there.  There are a million reasons why people keep things tucked away far down below where no one can see it, and when asked, you will probably get a plethora of different answers. …

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All, Bipolar Disorder, Healthy Life & Relationships

Yes, We are “dramatic,” but that is just how our feelings work.

There are times when I absolutely want to scream at friends or family, or throw things around my room, but then (usually very shortly) after,  I feel absolutely, devastatingly horrible for even letting a thought like that cross my mind. And when I say  “absolutely, devastatingly horrible,” I’m not talking about the typical, standard, everyday remorse that is felt when …

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