A Day In the Life of A Bipolar in Therapy

This is a direct entry from my journal.  Sometimes I have to look back to see how far I have come and to remind myself where I DON’T want to go…… September 16, 2006 I spent the day with MSA from group.  I had a good time.  [My boyfriend’s] friend gave us his tickets to go see Wicked and we went.  This was the second night in a row I felt normal.  I mean, we… Continue Reading

Is the Hot Mess REALLY a Mess?

“I’m a mess!” When I first began talking to CJ, I warned him. I told him that I was a mess, a walking disaster, and if it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. He didn’t believe me. I picked him up from the airport for the first time. Between baggage claim at O’Hare and my car in the parking garage ready to head off, I think “we” (meaning me) lost… Continue Reading

How to be “cool” the Chicago Way ?….

OR, not.  More like “How to Be a Disgusting Excuse For A Human Being As Demonstrated By Chicago Teens.“ I just read this article on the Huffington Post ()  These teens found a 62-year old father of 12 hunting for aluminum cans to help supplement his income to support his family.  They beat him up and stole the $60 he had on him.  Not only did this do this atrocious act (which is actually not… Continue Reading

Picking Up The Pieces

Hate the me that’s there every day The imperfect, insecure, unhappy girl that fucks up in every way Every step, every word misconstrued Trying to help everyone, giving herself,yet negatively viewed She broke down to nothing and began to put all the right things in place But then with one slip fell flat on her face Beginning again, but empty, lonely, and numb inside So misunderstood, wanting to do nothing but hide. Trying to grasp… Continue Reading

Yup. Defective ………..

I was born defective, only nobody knew it then.  It wouldn’t become evident until later, when I was in high school.  My mind, my heart, and soul were always in this very sad, dark place.  Nothing could cheer me up.  I couldn’t keep friends (and honestly, I don’t even blame them looking back.  Who wants to be with someone that is constantly a downer?), I believed I was fat and ugly, had many crushes but… Continue Reading

Is THIS all there is????

If THIS is all there is to life, then I would like to see a copy of the contract or would like the receipt so I can get an exchange.  Am I going to be waking up at the crack of dawn to get some work in BEFORE work, then working 8 hours (to be able to bill the client for 7) only to go home and work another 4 hours on either work stuff,… Continue Reading

The Awful, Ugly, Rotton Truth

I’m a bitch! When I have alcohol pulsing through my system, I turn into Cruella DeVille and tear apart everything in my path. I HATE IT!!!! I hate myself for it. I always say that I’m not going to drink anymore, but that never lasts. Usually its the one person I care about most that I hurt. It has gotten to the point that they wouldn’t even accept my apologies anymore. And, now that they… Continue Reading