All, Bipolar Disorder, Relationship (friendships), Relationships (Love), Self Esteem

Weak?! Really?!

Pulled from the Hot Mess Archives….

In the past few weeks, I have had people who have said they thought I was one of the strongest people they know, that I am stronger than they ever could be under the circumstances, and that they are amazed.  I have also had the complete opposite and have been told that I am weak and that I need to stop being weak and need to stand up and fight harder.

Then, do we have conflicting definitions on what defines a person as weak????  Because I think I have been pretty strong.  I have had several instances where there was almost a hospital admission and I refused to let myself end up there so I fought it.    There were days I was driving my car and saw a wall up ahead and sped up hoping to hit  it, but turned at the last minute.  I told myself that I could come back from this.  If I could come back from my condition when I was first diagnosed with bipolar, I could come back from this.  Everyone seperates, everyone loses jobs and has to switch careers, people have illnesses that cause them to be off work until they are better again, and they all make it out of these situations alive.   SURE, mine are all at once (why would it be easy for me.) but I’m not committed yet, so I must be doing something right.  I still wake up every morning and may not be happy to, may not want to, in fact, I may cry for a half hour begging the sun to go away and not make me get up and face whatever new shit is going to happen today, but I DO get up.  I do try to make it through the day.

Well, what defines a person as being weak then? Does crying make them weak?  Does giving up make them weak?  Does not even trying at all make them weak?  Really?  What is the definition of a weak person?  Well, lets check the dictionary and see what they have to say.  These are directly copied from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/weak.

1 : lacking strength: asa: deficient in physical vigor :feebledebilitatedb: not able to sustain or exert much weight, pressure, or strainc: not able to resist external force or withstand attackd: easily upset or nauseated <a weak stomach>
Well, I do lack strength because I’m depressed and can’t eat and lost a bunch of weight, but I am able to resist external force or attack.
2.a: mentally or intellectually deficientb: not firmly decided :vacillatingc: resulting from or indicating lack of judgment or discernmentd: not able to withstand temptation or persuasion <the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak>
This is not the case either because I am not mentally or intellectually deficient.  My brain functions just fine, its my moods that are all over the map, up and down like a roller coaster and my inability to focus, but that doesn’t make me weak.  That makes me symptomatic of my illness.
3: not factually grounded or logically presented <a weakargument>
Not even an issue here.  The issues are made perfectly clear.  My life is in shambles.  No one can argue with that.
4a: not able to function properly <weak eyes>(1): lacking skill or proficiency <tutoring for weakerstudents> (2): indicative of a lack of skill or aptitude<history was my weakest subject>c: wanting in vigor of expression or effect <a weaktranslation of the poem>
So, there may be days that I am not able to function properly because my symptoms are overwhelming me, but I don’t think that makes me weak.  I do my best to control them, but sometimes biology is stronger than one can overpower.
5a: deficient in the usual or required ingredients :dilute<weak coffee>b: lacking normal intensity or potency <a weak radio signal><a weak strain of virus>
Well, maybe you could say I lack some required personality traits????  Maybe?  Hmmm…….
6a: not having or exerting authority or political power <weakgovernment>b:ineffectiveimpotent
Ok, this one I can see.  MAYBE I don’t exert all the authority or power that I have, but I’m just not the type to run around and try to rule the world.  And I don’t have THAT much power at all.  Maybe seductive powers.
7: of, relating to, or constituting a verb or verb conjugation that in English forms the past tense and past participle by adding the suffix -ed or -d or -t
HUH?
8a: bearing the minimal degree of stress occurring in the language <a weak syllable>b: having little or no stress and obscured vowel sound <‘d inhe’d is the weak form of would>
My situation is not referring to language.  This doesn’t apply.
9: tending toward a lower price or value <a weak market> <aweak dollar>
Nope. Not a money thing here
10: ionizing only slightly in solution <weak acids and bases>
— weak·lyadverb

Ummmmm totally not relevant!

Synonyms: asthenic, debilitated, delicate, down-and-out, effete, enervated, enfeebled, faint, feeble, frail, infirm, languid, low, prostrate, prostrated, sapped, slight, soft, softened, tender, unsubstantial, wasted, weakened,wimpish, wimpy

OK, SO MAAAYYYBEEEE THE DOWN-AND-OUT PHRASE APPLIES, BUT NOT FRAIL, OR WIMPY!  TENDER, POSSIBLY, SOFT? NOT SO MUCH.  At least in my opinion.  I mean, who wouldn’t be in general just down and out or a little tender?  I think if you weren’t, then you didn’t have a heart or soul or weren’t human.  So, I don’t think those words mean I am weak.

So, these definitions don’t really describe me as it applies to this situation, but is it possible that I am still considered weak by societies standards?  Or is this just something that is being thrown at me to make me feel like a pile of crap?????

What do you guys think?

 

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