I saw this picture as I was scrolling through the Facebook Newsfeed for the Musings of the Bipolar Hot Mess Facebook page and it really hit home.  I went to post it and started to write a small caption.  Well, the small caption turned into a really, really long caption (shocker!  Who would’ve thought that I would just start rambling and rambling! lol), so I decided to just copy and paste it here and save it as a blog post.  I may go back in later and add some more, but right now, I’ve got to get ready for physical therapy, BUT, I thought it was a good picture, and a good string of thoughts and something worth documenting for me to reread when I begin to lose hope and for others to be inspired to baby step their way just a little out of their comfort zone.  Maybe one day all those baby steps will equal one huge step, or two huge steps, or even a mile, or maybe 100 miles out of your comfort zone.  But, you will never know unless you try and I hope that this will remind both you and me that we have to take risks and we have to try!

I was always afraid of doing it. I’m a perfectionist. I need specific plans and with everything I do, I only attempt them because I know I can do it. Well, THAT WAS BEFORE. That was then and this is now.

I’ve recently been given a lot of opportunities in my life, but, they require change. Some BIG changes. And, it is forcing me out of my comfort zone. *GASP* But, the end result will hopefully be something good. The goal IS something good.  The goal is…… *long dramatic pause* HAPPINESS *gasp*

The point is, before, I never would have even entertained any of these ideas because they just seemed to “risky” and/or too good to be true. In my own mind, I figured and convinced myself I was setting myself up for failure if I even considered them. Well, some persistence from my family, (ok A LOT OF CONTINUED PERSISTENCE) and then a little nudge from someone else, (ok, ok, it was more like a huge whack over the head) has gotten me to try to open my wings a little more and step out of my self made comfort zone.

So, my first step… Agreeing to go to the Bahamas. Allowing myself to admit TO MYSELF that someone who follows my writing believes in the work I do,  and feels I am deserving of this trip and this opportunity. My family has always believed in me and always encouraged me, but when you hear it from an outside source also, it just reaffirms that your family isn’t just saying it because they are your family, but others believe it too.  And that I’m still kinda struggling with that, but the plane tickets are already in my name and I have my passport.

          Step 1 – pretty much accomplished.

Step Two, meeting in Chicago to make sure this was legit.  The meeting was planned, plane tickets bought, hotel room arranged, but, in the process, a LOT of conversation and messaging and FaceTiming, and the original goals began to change a little……. OK, A LOT….. But…. *shrugs and winks*

           Step 2 accomplished and yes it is legit.

Step 3, open up that suitcase and start to put a few things in and open up a garbage bag and throw a few things out.  Ok, maybe not throw out but donate or sell, or give away.  Yup. I’m in the process….. (so, everyone go on Poshmark.com and buy buy buy!  The more I sell, the better I feel because I’m getting rid of things and others are happy because they are getting some awesome things and helping me in the process too!!!… want the links for my closets?  Here they are

 This is for any Victoria’s Secret PINK and VS items: https://poshmark.com/closet/hotmess_all_vs

This is for all other items that aren’t VS or VS PINK https://poshmark.com/closet/christihuff1001

           Step 3, IN PROGRESS.

Step 4, Hop on plane and head to San Diego.  Take a look around, see if I like it, would I fit in? Check it out, then head to the Bahamas, then back to Chicago to assess.  What’s the verdict?  Do I want to go back?????


       I mean, San Diego. A whole part of the country I have never been to. San Diego. Home of the International Bipolar Foundation office. They were a part of my beginning as a mental health blogger. They even published me in their book, Healthy Living With Bipolar Disorder (you can get a copy of their book on ibpf.org) How awesome to be so close to, and possibly meet, some of the people who help contribute to my success as a mental health blogger.  And I’m not going to lie, the thought of sunshine and warm weather while looking outside at the mounds of snow that came down in Chicago this weekend is quite enticing as well.  But, West Coast????? 2,000 miles away??? SCARY…. but, I’m going.  I have no choice now. No backing out.  My name is on those plane tickets and I’m getting excited!!!!

All I know is that this year, I’ve decided to take chances and take risks. If I fail, what do I have to lose? If I didn’t have anything to start with, there really isn’t much to lose is there? But, what IF I DON’T lose? *GASP*What if I end up thriving? Could it be?  Could the Hot Mess have some POSITIVE IN HER LIFE????  If I don’t lose, then, I’m a little bit better than I was before and I have no regrets, because I tried. I can never sit and wonder “What if?” anymore. I have had 30+ years of “What If’s” But, we can’t go back in time and there isn’t a “redo” button. So, now, I’m taking the chance. I’m going to TRY. And if it doesn’t work, then at least I know. But, I figure the past years of “What If’s” didn’t really fare so well for me, I think it was time to change things up.

That means taking a chance. Stepping out of comfort zone and giving it a try. It doesn’t have to be huge steps out of your comfort zone at first. Baby steps. Work your way toward the goal. For every single baby step that you accomplish, that’s one less thing you have to wonder about, and one more thing you can say “I did THAT” or “I CAN DO THAT”.

So, let’s see how things turn out for this Hot Mess…….  I’ll keep ya posted!

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